Racing Against the Fear

If y'all haven't figured this out already, I like to make analogies.  When I'm running, I tend to analogize everything to running.  Tonight was no different.

Since the time change a few weeks ago, I've been trying to figure out how to get in a few runs during the week.  I am not a morning person.  When I intend to run in the morning, I inevitably choose to sleep another 30 minutes.  However, I don't have much of a problem getting motivated to exercise between 5-7 p.m.  The fact that it gets dark at 5:30 throws a monkey wrench in my best laid plans to exercise.  This week, I tried to run 3 miles on the treadmill and it was dreadful.  I love my gym, but the air there is not nearly as fresh and crisp as the air I breathe while running outside.  Tonight, I was planning on another run on the treadmill, but decided to run outside instead.

Why haven't I gone running outside in the evening since time change? Because I was afraid.  Afraid that something would happen to me and no one would know, afraid that I would fall and injure myself and no one would see me laying on the side of the road, etc...

Well, tonight I decided to face those fears.  I will have to face my fears of failure in February when I take the bar exam again.  I think one of the best things I can do to help face a fear is to prepare myself for any situation that could present itself.   

So, tonight, I put on my reflective gear, tucked my ID and my cell phone in my pocket, texted a friend to say I was heading out for a run, and put my big, vicious attack dogs (well, they're big at least) on their leashes.  I went out for a run in my (lighted) neighborhood at a time when I knew people would be getting home.  Somehow knowing that my address is on my dogs' tags and that "parents" and "neighbors" were programmed in my cell phone made me feel safer.

And so I ran.  It was a wonderful run.  I could have gone longer, but my security guards were tired.    I did not want to run longer without them.  I do think that a healthy sense of fear motivates us and keeps us safer.

Facing the fear of running at dusk will be like facing the fear of the bar exam in February.  All I can do is prepare myself to the best of my ability and run with it.  Once the adrenaline of running (and of the bar exam) kicks in, the sense of fear subsides and is overcome by a sense of vitality and accomplishment.  I won't let my fears beat me.

Now, if only I could take the bar exam with my pups at my side :)

The countdown ticker

Because I need to see it to believe it.

15 weeks, give or take

The past month has been fun...historic elections, historic sporting events, beer festivals, beach vacations....time is flying by. I realized that the bar exam, take 2 is right around the corner. So...

Last night, I bit the bullet and devised my plan of action for studying. I calculated that I have about 15 weeks of studying ahead of me. My approach to this bar exam will be quite different than my approach to the July exam. First of all, I have more time. Secondly, many of these concepts and rules will still be fresh in my mind, so I won't be learning them for the first time. Lastly, I have a better idea of what will work for me and what won't.

General plan: Start slowly until mid-December (tackle smaller NC topics, do about 50 MBE questions weekly, read outlines). From mid-December until week before Bar exam, tackle 1-2 bigger NC topics and 1 MBE topic. By then, I should be averaging about 100 multis a week, with a few essays thrown in there. The whole week before the exam will be dedicated to review.

If anyone is interested in my specific study plan, I've posted it online should you wish to 1) re-live your experience from this summer as a reminder of how lucky you are to *not* have to be doing this again; 2)compare your study schedule to it; or 3)offer suggestions as to what you found most helpful in your successful endeavor to pass the bar.

Like last time around, I will do my best to make time for myself and for my friends and for my significant other. I will enjoy a glass of wine or a beer in the evenings as I review flashcards. I will eat well and get enough exercise and enough sleep. This time, though...I will pass.

Perhaps the Biggest Failure of 2008....

Enough said.

And, finally, NC turned BLUE!!!!

I waited all day yesterday to hear the other bit of news that I was eagerly anticipating...that Obama had won North Carolina.  Unfortunately, provisional ballots kept many from calling North Carolina, though Obama had received more votes than his opponent on election day.  

The Obama campaign battled hard in North Carolina and I wanted this last victory.  Even if Obama had lost in North Carolina, it would have been a feat in itself that we had come so close.  Luckily, Obama was not relying on our electoral votes to win the election, so I felt some comfort in knowing that even if we lost North Carolina, we *did* win the United States.

And then today, two days after the election, the AP called it....

President-elect Obama is the apparent winner in North Carolina, a symbolic triumph in a state that hadn't voted for a Democrat in more than a generation.

North Carolina turned blue.  Carolina, Blue!  Today was a beautiful day for such inspiring news.  I have voted in every election I have been eligible to do so, so my experience at the poll was not much different than what I've experienced in the past.  However, I have never felt so proud to be a North Carolinian and an American as I do today.

President-Elect Obama

Change we can believe in! Barack Obama is the next President of the United States!

I am humbled to have been an active participant in this monumental time in our country's (and our state's) history.  I spent the day at a Durham precinct as a poll observer.  Though the other poll workers and other election officials did not disclose to me their political leanings, it was quite apparent that we were all hoping that Obama would win.

Over the course of the day, I had to restrain my tears and giggles.  I will never forget the grandmother who kept telling her granddaughter (who was too young to vote) to "just mark the Democrat."  The young lady named the candidates for a few races and granny insisted that she "just mark the Democrat."  She said to the young lady that her first vote was for a Democrat and her last vote would be for a Democrat.  I nearly erupted in partisan laughter when I heard granny say (likely out of frustration that her granddaughter kept asking her to mark on the ballot), "Girl, I've done told you...just mark the Democrat.  I don't care if it's a kitty cat, if it's Democrat, you mark it."  Now, I don't advocate voting for someone purely because of one's political party, but I do think it's a good guideline for novice voters.

I was also impressed by the sheer numbers of people who voted for the first time in their lives (and especially the ones who asked for help at the precinct because they had never "done this before").

When my precinct closed, I called in my numbers and turned on the radio to listen to the news for the first time all day.  I could not wait to see the results come in.  When the results did start trickling in, I found myself getting more and more excited, yet I had to remind myself that it was still too early to tell for sure.

On the way to a friend's house, we heard Elizabeth Dole's concession speech and felt relieved that NC had booted the incumbent Senator who had little connection to our beloved Tarheel state.  More results from North Carolina came in (we elected Bev Perdue as the first female governor) and it was becoming more likely that North Carolina would vote for a Democratic president for the first time since Jimmy Carter in 1976.  It was also looking more likely that Barack Obama would be the next president of the United States.

And so the Northeast turned blue....and Pennsylvania turned blue and Virginia turned blue and at 11 p.m. EST on November 4, 2008, the United States officially turned blue.  I can't even describe what I felt that moment except by saying that I still tear up when I think about the emotions running through my head and heart in the hours after we learned that we had elected the first African American to the highest executive office of this great country.

I fought back tears as he spoke and as I watched the celebrations going on across the world. I look forward to hearing him speak for the next eight years.  I wish him clarity of thought, a peaceful heart, and much safety, perseverance, and courage.