Sitting at the Edge of the Bar

~UNC NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!~

2009-04-07T00:01:00.007-04:00

UNC won the 2009 National Championship!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And, it wasn't even close!

Wow, what a great ending to a great season of hoops! I admit the end is bittersweet as it means 7 months until next year's season starts up again. I am so happy for this team, but sad to not be able to see them in action again.

Oh, and I got my law license in the mail today. I figured that was a good omen...I could have failed the bar again and UNC could have been knocked out in the tourney, or I could have passed the bar, yet UNC loses or vice versa...but no, I passed the bar AND UNC won the National Championship. Add that to Obama winning and the Phillies winning, and life is feeling pretty good right now.

And to that...CHEERS!

Still Soaking it all in

2009-04-03T14:37:00.003-04:00

I'm not sure when it will finally hit me that I passed. The results were posted online a few days ago and seeing my name on that list felt good. All of the congratulatory words, text messages, and emails were very much appreciated.

Someone asked me how long it took to get to this point. I had to think about it for a second. Let's see....I took the LSAT in July 2003, got accepted at NCCU in December 2003, started in the evening program at NCCU in August 2004, graduated in May 2008, took the Bar (v.1) in July 2008, took the Bar (v.2) in February 2009. It will have been almost 6 years from the time I started getting ready for law shcool until I'm actually able to practice law. In a way, passing the bar serves dual purposes: it ends one cycle in my life but also begins a new cycle.

I'm hoping my license and bar number will come in a few weeks and then I can really get the ball rolling on my next endeavor: going solo. Yes, I'm taking the plunge, but I do feel ready for the risk and ready for the challenge. I feel like I have the suppprt, energy, and motivation to be successful at it. Oh, I also like peanut butter and rice and beans, which is a good thing since that's all I'll probably eat for a few months.

This weekend is full of fun stuff: Full Frame Documentary Festival, John Prine concert, and of course, UNC is in the FINAL FOUR!!!!!!!! GO HEELS!!!! I'm still not done celebrating that I passed and it is a relief to be able to have fun without the Bar exam lingering over me.

As for this blog, I will continue to post here until I've got my solo practice blog going. I do have a few more things I want to say about this whole process, but it's a nice day outside and I'd rather go celebrate....

SUCCESSFUL!!!!!

2009-03-29T01:44:00.003-04:00

So....I got word through the wonders of Facebook that some had received their letters today. Well, I'm in DC with the sigO, who has had meetings and such. My little brother was in charge of checking in with the dogs, so I called him earlier to let him know that he should check my mail.

SigO and I headed out to Old Town Alexnadria for dinner and drinks. Around 8 p.m., the bro called to say the letter was there. After a few minutes of debate, I decided to have him open the letter.

So he opened the letter.....

And after I heard "Congratulations!" I didn't care what else he said. I passed. I f'in' passed. I told the bartender and he brought us 2 flutes of champagne. All night long, I couldn't help myself from saying to wonderful BF-who supported me through all of this despite my breakdowns, "Guess what?" He would sweetly respond (even after the umpteenth time)..."What?" And I would elatedly respond....

I passed the Bar Exam.

I passed the Bar exam.

I PASSED the Bar Exam.

WE passed the bar exam.

Results are in the mail

2009-03-28T17:04:00.002-04:00

...and I am in DC, far away from my mailbox. One more day of not knowing won't kill me, but I did get that nervous rush when I saw that others had received their letters.

Will I be sitting at the edge of the bar for another 4 months? Or did I pass?

I'll be sure to update tomorrow ;)

Brackets, Biscuits, and Bar Results

2009-03-17T22:32:00.002-04:00

Since everyone seems to be asking:

I should get bar results in another 2-3 weeks. Based on what they've done in past years, I'm guessing the coveted letter in a pretty cream-colored envelope will be mailed on 3/21 or 3/28. I am still feeling rather ambivalent about the results. I mean, if I fail it, I just take it again. Of course, I'd rather not take it again, but there are worse things I could do in life, like sit in a tanning bed for hours (my personal idea of hell).
Yes, I'm picking UNC to go all the way...except in 2 secret ballots that I'll only share with 2 people. I have to take into account that Lawson might not be able to play 100% all games, but I'm not about to publicize that I've picked a team other than UNC to win. I will say that I have picked a 2/15 upset involving a certain devilish team that rhymes with puke in at least one bracket. I'm also partial to 3/14 upsets and #6 seeds.
Biscuits...yes, I really know how to make them and no, I don't keep a stash in my car for when you see me in public. Every time I go to a store or gas station or post office in my work uniform, someone inevitably asks if I have any biscuits with me. Um, no. And I don't have any chicken, either.

Off to finish a few more brackets...GO HEELS!

March Madness

2009-03-13T15:20:00.003-04:00

I am a college hoops fanatic (or a junkie, as someone affectionately called me). I love this time of the year. It helps that my favorite team, UNC, is generally a good team, and that the ACC Conference is also generally good each year. But lest you think I limit my fanaticism to just one team, I'd like you to know I just love watching a good college hoops game, no matter the team. I grew up watching college sports and one of the reasons I chose UNC was because I wanted to go to a school with a successful sports program, or at least one where students and alumni are big fans. I loved watching UNC games in Mexico City with other fans who were on vacation (but obviously they didn't plan well, because who would leave the country during March Madness!?)

So my addiction leaves me tired and with no fingernails. I can't sit still when there's a good game on. Last night, I stayed up until 1:30 in the morning to watch Syracuse beat UConn in SIX overtimes. I watched the entire game, considering Syracuse is the team I support after UNC and the other ACC (except Dook) teams. There was no way I was going to go to bed until the game was over!

6 overtimes. The best players fouled out by the 3rd overtime, so the last players on the court were players who hardly played during the regular season. That game seemed to be a prime lesson on the importance of sticking it out and the true meaning of working as a team. Sometimes I wonder what the benchwarmers think while on the sidelines the whole season, as they watch the top players get the glory. But, this game proved that those players are just as important to the team as the starting 5.

I love college sports because of games like these. The emotion involved is almost palpable. I read a neat article about the game and how certain sports moments are unforgetable and how that's what keeps so many of us hooked. There are certain sports moments I'll never forget: when Roy Williams spoke after Syracuse beat Kansas for the national championship, Henderson bashing Hansbrough's nose, Chris Weber calling a time-out he didn't have, Kay Yow's last game coached....

However, one thing I don't like about March Madness is imminent feeling that the end of the basketball season is coming. It's always a bittersweet feeling to know that I won't be riding this sports-induced roller coaster for at least another 9 months or so. Sure, I enjoy other sports, but college hoops is in a different league for me.

In an ideal world, I'll get my passing letter the same weekend that UNC advances to the Final Four. But, I'll also admit that I'd be thrilled even if just one of those things happened. Yes, I admit that UNC winning a national championship is nearly as important to me as passing the bar.

GO HEELS!!!

Windfall-bound

2009-03-05T16:06:00.004-05:00

So so so so excited to finally get away for a few days! I'm heading to a small town on the coast of South Carolina, where I'll spend 3 days with my best friends and my honey. We don't do much of anything except eat, drink, and be merry. Well, there's usually a slack game of bocce ball and an occasional jog around the property. The main event is the UNC-Dook game. I'm picky about watching big games, but this is the perfect environment---I think between the 8 adults, there are 9 UNC degrees (one more in progress). It's not too loud (unlike a crowded sports bar) yet provides the feeling of a party when we win. Since I had to go right back to work after the exam, I didn't have the opportunity to get away and relax. This will be good for me.

Only about 25 days or so until results come in....

It is Written

2009-03-01T16:33:00.003-05:00

Last night, we saw Slumdog Millionaire. I generally do not like going to the movie theater, but this was a movie I had wanted to see even before it received all of the Oscar-generated buzz.

I was impressed. I thought it was a great movie and the message I took from it last night was no doubt Bar exam induced...

(spoiler alert if you haven't seen it)

Jamal got the right answers because he had experience with the questions that he was asked. In other words, he won because he was asked the right questions. And, on the last question, he guessed, and it was the right answer. It would not matter how much he had prepared for that game show if he was only asked questions about things he did not know.

(end spoiler)

The Bar Exam is similar. If the Evidence essay were about the admissibility of remedial measures, I would have aced it. However, it was about the exclusion of witnesses. Unlike in the real world, or on a game show, I could not consult the audience or call co-counsel. I had no lifelines. Likewise, last bar exam, the Corporations question was about piercing the corporate veil. I knew it and did well on that essay. This time, it was about judicial dissolution, which I knew just enough to get by on (I hope).

Slumdog made me feel better knowing that winning the game isn't always about knowing all of the answers. Rather, it is more about being asked the questions to which you know the answer. I did my best to prepare for any question I could have been asked, but sometimes I just didn't know the answer.

All I can hope was that the majority of my "final answers" were right.

Back to Running

2009-02-26T19:42:00.003-05:00

Part of this experience was supposed to include more running. However, it was harder to do that considering the sun goes down at 5ish. Well, now the days are getting longer and I don't have to study the difference between unilateral and bilateral contracts, so I can pick up the frequency of my runs.

My new running shoes were on my front doorstep when I got home on Tuesday, after Day 1 of the exam. I love my Brooks Adrenaline because they always fit just right so I don't have to bother with shoe shopping (which I cannot stand).

I went for a quick 3 mile run tonight with the dogs and got back just as it was getting dark. Hopefully, I'll get up to a 7 mile run this month. I can do 5 without much problem, so I think 7 is reasonable.

And now I don't have to listen to bar prep on my Ipod while running. Ahhhh....

Done

2009-02-25T21:44:00.002-05:00

Done. 5 months after I got the "unsuccessful" letter, I am done with Bar Exam, Take 2.

After today, I feel almost the same as I did the last time, which I think is a good thing, considering I only missed it by a point. I paced myself better, but still did not have enough time. I always wonder how people finish 30 minutes early.

This time, I felt like I was able to eliminate wrong answers much quicker, yet I wasn't always happy with the answer I was left with. MBE practice reminds us to select the "best" answer, though it might not always be right.

After today, I don't want to hear anything about landlords and tenants, nor anything to do with deeds. I don't care who recorded first. I don't care if the municipal library was adversely possessed or not.

We need to average about 6 points per essay and about 65% right on the MBE in order to pass in NC. That means that getting 70-80 questions out of 200 wrong is "normal." Knowing that doesn't make the dreadful feeling of failing go away. The solace is knowing that people do pass this and many feel equally as ambushed as I do right now.

I am tired. Drinking wine and listening to Howard Stern. I put away my bar prep materials because I am just tired right now and really don't want to see these green books ever, ever, ever, again.

What's done is done and now the challenge is knowing that there is nothing I can do now to change my results. I passed, or I didn't. The thing about failing is that you lose that innocence/ignorance of knowing what failing feels like. I wonder if that makes it easier...if I don't pass, I know I'll survive. I'm just really ready to get this under my belt.

Blurbs as an Essay

2009-02-24T22:23:00.005-05:00

The Evidence question regarded exclusion of witnesses. Evidence is one of my best subjects and I blew this question. But, to my defense, I'm betting everyone else did too. The applicable law needed to answer it is 3 lines in the big BarBri book and 3 lines in the NC distinctions section. Rule 615. Ask me anything about hearsay and I've got you covered. But, exclusion of witnesses in a civil trial (which is very different than a criminal trial)...all wrong. It almost seems unfair to premise at least 6 of my precious evidence points on a rule that occupies 1/100th of the entire subject matter of evidence to be covered on the exam.

All I can hope is that Rule 615 comes up tomorrow on the MBE so that I can recover a point, out of the 6 I lost today. Sigh....

The rule (maybe I got a few points since I said the party witness should not have been excluded):
Rule 615. Exclusion of witnesses.
At the request of a party the court may order witnesses excluded so that they cannot hear the testimony of other witnesses, and it may make the order of its own motion. This rule does not authorize exclusion of (1) a party who is a natural person, or (2) an officer or employee of a party that is not a natural person designated as its representative by its attorney, or (3) a person whose presence is shown by a party to be essential to the presentation of his cause, or (4) a person whose presence is determined by the court to be in the interest of justice. (1983, c. 701, s. 1.)

Day One, Done

2009-02-24T18:17:00.002-05:00

And, in case any of you are wondering...it doesn't feel any better. There is still the feeling that I didn't do enough, but I've learned that that's a common feeling. I've been doing well on multis, so I hope that tomorrow I can do well enough to recover for any deficiencies today.

A few questions were relating to topics that I had at least a 6 point knowledge of (we're told we need to average 6 points an essay to pass). And, on the topics I didn't know so well, I think I may have managed at least 6 points on those. And, then of course, there are a few questions where my score will depend on how others answered, so that is my hope for the Secured transactions question regarding a bankruptcy trustee and bank accounts. It was question #12 and I had only 15 minutes left to answer it. I don't think extra time would have given me more time for a better answer, but one can only hope that no one else knew a lick about set-offs and bankruptcy.

I shared a table with another person who failed in July by one point. I hope he passes, too. If anyone ever wanted to depict "WTF?," I'm sure that they would see that look on our faces after a bar exam session.

You can study and study and study and get hit with something you've never seen. You can give it your all and still feel like it wasn't enough. We just won't know until 5 weeks from now whether we are minimally competent enough.

So, while I had intended to completely rest tonight, I am going to look over some MBE stuff for insurance. Of course, I'll do that over a glass of wine...

Decanting

2009-02-23T21:41:00.003-05:00

Enjoyed coffee and a strudel at Copa Vida this morning as I went over those 100 key flashcards. Got groceries for the next few days (half-and-half since my sweet lab decided he wanted to drink the pint I had left on the counter, and eggs and bread for my packed with protein breakfast sandwich). Picked up Girl Scout cookies I ordered. Cleaned the house. Went to the gym. Got a pedicure (chose a fun purple for some odd reason). Finally "got" the difference between spousal privilege and marital privilege and scribbled the stick-person image on a wadded up receipt in my purse. Went to dinner with the beau. Now, sitting on the couch and drinking wine. Clothing is ready for tomorrow (fleece yoga pants and a fleece pullover). Backup wake-up calls are scheduled. Snacks are packed (not like we can bring anything in...) and my admission ticket is under my car keys. I am as ready as I'll ever be.

I am so tired. I can't believe the bar exam is finally here. I am going to do my best and that's all I can do. :)

Wish me luck....

Closing the Books....for good

2009-02-23T00:17:00.003-05:00

And the time to close those big green books has finally come. Finally. In a way, these past 6 months have flown by. On the other hand, I feel like I've been studying forever.

I didn't get as much done today as I thought I would, but I think I figured out why. Adrenaline pushes us to study more, train more, etc. I just didn't feel like I need to have a final "push" today. I made flashcards for Civ Pro, Mortgages, and did a few other cards for some definitions/rules that I always seem to forget. I've had a plan this time and I've stuck to it.

I re-read the July 2008 exam. I can see now that I could have answered some of those questions better than I did. That being said, since I only missed it by one point, I am a bit concerned that the bar would have given me a license to practice considering those answers. It really it a test of minimum competence...you just can't be minimally competent on some things and completely incompetent on others.

I think I know all I can know to pass this test on Tuesday/Wednesday. All of my books and outlines are now reduced to about 200 index cards that I will flip through tomorrow. And then I'll relax for the rest of the day.

To my fellow re-takers: I wish you all the best and hope to see you on the other side of the bar very soon!

To my law school friends: thanks for all of your support and kind words over the past months...I am honored to have such wonderful colleagues.

To other friends: thanks for believing in me and for always having a beer with me, whether I pass or fail.

To my family: thanks for being there for me when I got the bad news and thanks for always reminding me that my performance on this exam is not a measure of who I am.

To V: thanks for being so understanding of my need to study and for listening to me go on and on and on about what I've been studying, and most importantly, being a shoulder to cry on when I feel scared or overwhelmed.

I truly hope I will not have to go through this again. It is a learning experience and it has been an opportunity for a lot of personal growth. But, I really really really really do not want to go through this again.

That all being said....it's time for bed.

Fizzling out

2009-02-22T15:07:00.002-05:00

Today's goal was to look at Civil Procedure, Family Law, Mortgages, Contracts/Sales, PR, and then review. So far, done with Civ Pro and Family Law. But, it's 3 p.m. and I am just running out of steam. Realistically, I know I can finish up with those other topics before dinnertime and then enjoy a beer with my flashcards.

I'm just tired of looking at these BarBri outlines. Tired of writing. Tired of reading. Tired of having my cat bite my hand while I type. Tired of chewing on all of my pens. Tired of index cards. Just plain tired.

Just a few more hours....

The Saturday Before

2009-02-21T15:34:00.002-05:00

Last night, I had a bit of a breakdown. I did 100 released MBE multis and did quite well, so that allayed some fears. However, I still am trying to balance the need to feel in control of this beast and the consequential need to know everything. I know it's not logical, nor reasonable, to know everything that could be tested on Tuesday and Wednesday. Nonetheless, the more I know, the more in control I'll feel....or so I think.

After the boo-hooing, I poured a glass of wine and got back to studying. I made flashcards of critical concepts that I either need to know cold or don't quite know so well. I finished up Torts and Secured Transactions. This morning, I knocked out Real Property, Criminal Law, and Criminal Procedure. I am going to work on Evidence and Contracts/Sales while I watch the UNC game.

But, despite the breakdown last night, I feel OK. I just took a few minutes to clean up the house. Tonight, I'm heading out to a nice dinner for a work function with the boyfriend. I doubt I'll get any more studying done after that and you know what...that's quite OK.

Tomorrow's plan includes flashcarding for Civil Procedure, Family Law, Mortgages, and Professional Responsibility. Then I'll pour a glass of wine (or a beer) and read over some of those not-so-commonly-tested-but-not-going-to-press-my-luck topics like Trusts, Suretyship, and such. And then more flashcards of the big topics. And then more flashcards. And then more wine. And then more flashcards. And then....

Monday I will rest. I'll go for a run, do some yoga, get a pedicure, maybe watch a movie....

There comes a point when you just can't add any more info to your brain's capacity. Sometimes it's necessary to let it "sit" for a while....like when you open a cellared bottle of red wine.

Monday will be for decanting.

Facebook Statuses

2009-02-19T13:26:00.004-05:00

While out running, I started thinking about some law concepts in terms of a Facebook status. Here are some I thought of along the way (a nice, sunny, 3 mile run with my pups):

Sarah is glad her neighbors don't have a reasonable expectation in the trash and recycling they put out on the curb because she likes seeing who else likes good beer and shops at Costco.
Sarah wonders if her neighbors know that if their dogs (who are on invisible fence) ever attack her dogs while running in the street, they will be held strictly liable for injuries, especially because they've seen the dogs attack others before.
Sarah would be strictly liable for injuries her cat causes others because her kitty is known to bite.
Sarah wonders if running with 2 dogs and an Ipod (not this time, though) would make her contributorily negligent if she got hit by a car. Surely though, the driver would have had the last clear chance to avoid the accident.
Sarah hopes she never has to go on to her neighbor's property to protect herself because they have a very nice garden that would cost a lot to repair.
Sarah thinks that our current president is managing his exclusive powers to handle foreign affairs quite well.
Sarah wonders if the police ever caught the vandals who stole our Obama signs---they should have been charged with larceny and trespass.
Sarah thinks people should stop trying to sue restaurants when they find a feather on a chicken wing or a small bone in their fish.
Sarah will gladly perfect your cash if you give it to her.
Sarah owns her house in fee simple absolute, subject to her bank's mortgage.
Sarah thinks Dook players should be held liable in tort (battery) for their flagrant fouls that appear to exceed the scope of consent for a college basketball game.
Sarah would set up an honorary trust for her dogs, but wonders who she could appoint to enforce it without thinking it was a joke.
Sarah doubts the Simultaneous Death Act and the 120 hour rule would apply to above-mentioned trust for dogs if the dogs happened to die at the same time.
Sarah admits she relies on reliable authoritative texts to make some decisions.

Sarah's arguments on Tuesday will prevail in "court," unless some unforeseeable, intervening, superseding event occurs.

A trust is....

2009-02-18T12:45:00.005-05:00

Those were my first thoughts this morning upon awakening. My last thoughts before bedtime involved involuntary dismissals and being taxed for the costs of the action. In a week from today, I will be finishing up lunch before embarking on the last session of the bar exam.

I've gone through essays and written out rules. I've done multis. Yet, sometimes I still feel like I can't possibly remember all of this for the bar exam....and then I wake up thinking about the definition of a trust, and I realize I know what it is. And, just like that came out of nowhere this morning, it will similarly make itself available for regurgitation on Tuesday.

Last night, I was reading some posts on a forum for people taking the bar and was surprised to see how many had unsupportive significant others. I am definitely lucky in that regard. Now, if he would just take the test for me, I'd be a happy woman. I know I'm not alone when I speak for other bar exam takers---the support of family and partners means more than they'll ever know---

Today's plan:

Massage--already done (didn't realize how much tension I've been storing in my body)

Lunch-already done (need to be reminded to eat)

Finish Yellow BarBri book.

Write out important rules for my weaker subjects (Secured Transactions, Mortgages, Sales).

60 PMBR multis.

Tomorrow:

February and July 2007, and February and July 2008 bar exams

Review 2005, 2006 exams that I did yesterday

60 PMBR multis

Friday:

100 Question Timed 2006 MBE (new questions)

Write rules for weak topics.

Saturday:

100 Question Timed BarBri or PMBR set

Review weak topics/concepts

Dinner with SigO

Sunday:

1 hour each major NC topic (review outline, write out rules)

Monday:

Long workout at gym

Long walk with dogs

Dinner with SigO

Long Bath

Glass of Wine

Yoga

Tuesday:

Are you ready to rumble?????

(As a writer, I'll be in the Dorton Arena, home of the Carolina Rollergirls--I think I'll try to adopt a Rollergirl attitude as I knock those questions out of play.)

OK, back to studying....

Brick Walls and Breaks

2009-02-15T20:07:00.003-05:00

9 days until the big day and I am just.not.motivated. Maybe it's the prospect of a whole week to memorize NC law ad nauseam and write essays and look at old exams? Maybe it's the fact that I've now been studying for the bar Exam for about 5 months (adding in my July study time) and I'm just sick of the UCC, the FRE, the NCRCP, the UPA., the MPC, et.al.? In fact, the only acronyms I am interested in these days are ACC and WTF.

My dear friend (who passed the bar in July) says that this week before the exam should be best utilized to "manage anxiety." Somehow I feel like I should study 12 hours a day for the next week, but I just don't think that's a realistic goal. Last time, with a week to go before the exam, I was still looking at NC topics for the first time since the BarBri lecture (that I hardly paid attention to due to my inability to sit still and watch anything on a screen). I was still learning about priority in consumer goods, fixtures, defamation, etc. This time, I've already done that, so the feeling that I need to cram is just not present this time. I'd like to think that's a good thing. Still, the prospect of writing an essay for real is still scary, but motivating. I know I will know as much as I can know come next Sunday and honestly, that's all I can do. At this point in the game, studying an extra 2-3 hours a day is useless if it causes me more anxiety and stress.

In good news, I'm scoring about 70% on MBE multis and I've improved my timing. I will still do 30 multis a day until Saturday, when I will do a 100 question set (timed). I will do all of the essays in the BarBri yellow book and I will write out complete answers for the past 3 years of old NC exams. I will outline the essays for another 3 years of essays.

I will also get a massage on Wednesday and I will go out to run a few afternoons this week. I will also make sure to get enough sleep so that I don't get sick before the exam. I am managing my anxiety.

I did go for a study break beer on Friday night. I also enjoyed a nice dinner out with the wonderful sig other who is certainly tired of hearing me talk about this test. He (very politely) suggested that I try to take a break from it for a few hours last night, which I interpreted as him telling me he needed a break from hearing about it. Nonetheless, it was nice to talk about all the fun things that are coming up after the exam. Breaks are good. Relaxing is good. But...

9 days???!!!! WTF?

GO HEELS!!!!!

2009-02-11T23:53:00.005-05:00

I studied hard today so that I could watch the UNC-Duke game without (much) guilt. I knocked out 8 hours of studying and finished Contracts.

I then allowed myself to enjoy a Foothills Sexual Chocolate beer (love this stuff!) and then Merlot Aged Belgian Brown Ale, aged in a Merlot barrel, at Horniblows (Big Boss).

And, most importantly, UNC WON!!!!! 101-87!!!!!!!!!! Go HEELS!!!!

Tomorrow, it will be time to get back to the books (must finish Sales, Secured Transactions, and Civil Procedure).

But, at the least, it was nice to feel like something was more important than the bar exam today. Even if I had stayed at home and studied, I probably would not have gotten much done. One thing that's hard to do while in the home stretch of studying is balancing the need to relax with the omnipresent need (compulsion?) to study. I'd like to think a 90/10 balance is healthy...at least for the next 2 weeks.

The good thing is that I will be done with the Bar exam by the time the next UNC-Dook match-up rolls around. And, in my ideal world, the Heels will be playing for the Final Four the weekend that I get my passing results.

GO HEELS!!!!!

You Know You're in the Bar Exam Study Zone when...

2009-02-09T22:16:00.002-05:00

Cleaning the house brings you an odd sense of comfort...or stress (sweeping the floor seems so easy and I see results immediately)

You get flustered at even the slightest challenge in the real world because you just need to know that you can be right about something (after studying a topic all day and then only get 50% of multis right, and that's "normal")

You eat the same thing for dinner most meals because you've already figured out how to prepare it and because it provides some nourishment (nachos are healthy, right?)

You'd rather go grocery shopping than do another essay about archaic doctrines and rules about Shelley, Wild, Pullman, and M'Naghten

And when you *do* go grocery shopping or out to eat, you wonder if the boss has negligently hired or retained the cashiers who are possibly embezzling (or just stealing) the money that you're giving them for that can of Diet Coke that might explode and harm you and the sweet old lady next to you who might have a heart attack and die and as you go to help her, you slip on a wet spot on the floor caused by a leaky roof that the manager knew about when he entered into the lease to rent the building....

You desperately want to spend time with your significant other and know that it would be a good thing to relax for at least a few minutes, but you also know that it's easy to get distracted when you're not studying...and, if you think going through this hell is bad once...try going through it twice. ;)

You repeat to others your study schedule not because they care, but because it soothes your nerves.

You feed your pets scrambled eggs because you can't seem to remember to buy food for them.

You find yourself enjoying things you don't usually enjoy, like watching reality shows. Or, you start doing new things that you don't really have time for, but provide some respite from statute memorization.

You miss being with your friends and family, but you also know they understand. You call them up on purpose just to hear "You'll do fine!" even though you get a little perturbed when other people tell you that.

You are constantly amazed at how much crap can fit into your brain and likewise, constantly amazed at how quickly you forget 99% of that.

So, 14 more days. Two weeks. I finished up Property today, leaving only Contracts to finish by Wednesday. I will take a break to watch the UNC/Dook game and I will also allow myself to not worry about getting much done during the game. And, I am taking Valentine's evening off from studies. One thing a friend reminded me is that during this time, us bar-takers become self absorbed. She didn't say that directly, but it's true...it's another way you know you're in the "zone"...it's all about me right now, which means I'm not being the best friend, the best daughter, nor the best partner. I have learned during this process of re-taking not to take those important people for granted. So, if it means listening to my friend talk about her work issues, or listen to my sig other talk about beer and politics, or listen to my mom talk about her family challenges, I do it with pleasure and without regret that I maybe should have been studying instead of chatting. But, in the end, I need those conversations as much as they do...to remind me of what is important...love and friendship definitely trump the Rule in Shelley's Case.

70 Degrees and Beginning to Sweat

2009-02-08T11:22:00.002-05:00

It's going to be another 70 degree day today and I beginning to sweat. I am hoping to do some studying in my backyard, in the sun, while my dogs take naps in the grass and dream of squirrels. I, on the other hand, will see if I can finally understand those rules of law that I haven't been able to get (recording statutes, third party beneficiaries, privilege and immunity clause of 14th Amendment, etc.).

Property will be done today, as well as about 20 multis in Torts, Crim Law, Evidence, and Con Law. Tomorrow I will start Contracts (my last MBE topic!!!!) Come Wednesday evening, I will be in all review mode.

16 days until the Big Day. I will be writing the exam in the Dorton Arena, which is alternatively used for roller derby games and concerts for the State Fair. I am already trying to figure out what I will wear that day because somehow I am guessing that the temperature controls will be wacky.

I am getting a bit more nervous, but also a bit more confident. I still have 16 days. I only have 16 days left.

La Copa Vida

2009-02-06T22:23:00.003-05:00

Just wanted to add a shout out to my new campground for the next 17 days--Copa Vida Coffee in Durham. I'm probably an odd coffeeshop customer during bar exam time--I want good coffee, loud enough background music to drown out conversations that I would otherwise be tempted to listen in on, good coffee, good lighting, and...no internet. Big coffee chain that shall not be named, but rhymes with Daddy Warbucks, usually has no free wireless, but, their coffee is...well, it's not from locally roasted beans, can be bitter, and comes in a coffee cup that has become a new status symbol.

Why don't I like it when there's internet? If I don't have it, then I'm not tempted by it. Pretty simple.

Now, before I have people correcting me about Copa Vida's wireless access, I will note that they actually do have wireless. It's just password protected. So, when very friendly barista asked if I wanted the code, I declined, knowing that I could get it at any time, should I need to.

Lo and behold....guess what happened? I finished Mortgages in 3 hours flat.

Durhamites, please go support this cafe. In doing so, you support a local business in 2 ways, since they use Counter Culture coffee.

Needless to say, I've found my non-alcoholic watering hole.

Got my Ticket

2009-02-06T17:45:00.002-05:00

It's official. I'm taking the NC Bar Exam in 18 days. I admit that, until I received the admission ticket in the mail, I secretly hoped that one of the letters from the Bar Association would say that they had made a mistake in grading my exam, and that, indeed, I did pass. It's a good thing I've been studying because I don't see that happening.

It's another Friday night that I will spend with my books. For "fun," I will go to a coffee place and study. The wonderful beau is having fun this weekend and I will be having fun with....property.

I'm back to drinking Emergen-C every day just to keep the sickies at bay.

Today was my last full week of work until after the bar.

18 days.

Torts, done!

2009-02-04T00:09:00.003-05:00

Topics left: Property, Contracts, Secured Transactions, Civil Procedure.

Reminiscing on July, I remember that I was still making posters of outlines a few days before the exam. By typing up the BarBri outlines and adding NC distinctions and my own mnemonics, I am essentially doing the same thing I did in July (making posters). However, this time around, I will have a full 2 weeks to review, review, review, review. Last time, I was looking at some topics for the first time (other than the 3 hours from Barbri class where I had a very hard time sitting still to watch a videotaped lecture) just days before the exam. Add my July study to this study and I am finally feeling quite comfortable with most topics. Once I do memorization drills and essay practice, I'm sure I will feel even better.

I will pass the bar.

Frustration of Purpose and Confusion of the Issues

2009-02-01T10:57:00.005-05:00

Two legal phrases that best describe my mental state right now.

Last night, after scoring 78% on an Evidence practice set, I decided to go to bed. I was late anyway, but I did finish Evidence. For some reason, I decided to take my July 2008 Bar Exam essays to bed with me. Bad idea.

My undergrad degree is Education, so I learned how to test students and also how to give feedback. I was reminded last night that the bar examiners who write (and grade) those exams are lawyers, not teachers. For one, having essays with no writing on them to indicate where I did get points left me wondering where I really went wrong, especially when my essay covers the same things as a "model" essay. Was it my knowledge of the law that didn't come through as coherently? Did I not say the magic phrase? Second, knowing my score on an essay is almost useless if you don't know the overall range of scores---if average was a 5, then my 3 wasn't so bad after all.

I was also reminded of the range of my scores and that reminded me that different people write each question and grade it. So, it's obvious that the person who graded my Wills essay gave no points for about 10 things I mentioned that were also mentioned in the model essay. I could have written a letter to Santa on that essay and received as many points as I did actually writing about the issue (that would be 0 points). Yes, I got 0 points on an essay. It is a myth that if you identify the issue and write some basic, applicable rules, you'll get at least a point. Not true.

One point is all I have to recover, but I am aiming to recover a lot more. As for coverage, I am now down to Torts, Contracts, and Property (and their respective NC topics). I'm also down to 23 days until showtime. From today on out, it's at least 6 hours of studying a day until I take off time from work. At that point, it will be 8-10 hours a day. But, I will only be reviewing, which will be different than last time. Right now, I am feeling confident about the MBE, but not so confident about the essays. But, that is kinda where I expected to be at this point in the game---I wanted to get the MBE topics under my belt so that I could focus on memorizing NC law and writing essays in the home stretch.

I will pass the bar. I will pass the bar. I will pass the bar.

Scooters

2009-01-30T20:33:00.009-05:00

So I'm sitting at a local cafe, typing up a Barbri Evidence outline, and drinking decaf coffee.

Random observations/thoughts to mention while at a stopping point between relevance and authentication of writings:

I've often thought that the word "scooters" was an odd word to use as an example for labels (tags) on this blog template. But, now I'm finally writing a post that I will tag with the word "scooters." Sadly, my uncle died this past Friday, of complications related to multiple sclerosis. He was diagnosed when I was very young and his wife left him because of it. He always had a dry (and sometimes obscene) sense of humor. Well, in his last years of his struggle, he relied on a scooter for mobility. He would ride his scooter down to the farmer's market and hand out Tootsie Pops to everyone. His scooter was his independence and consequently, the source of many battles between him and his well-intentioned caregivers. I do hope that he is now able to walk around in heaven (or hell or in the afterlife or whatever) and that any scooter he might have with him is a diversion, and not a necessity. On earth, his scooter was donated to the facility where he resided for the past 10 years. I only hope that someone as spirited as my uncle Mike is riding it and that it gives him or her the same joy and sense of independence as it gave my uncle. RIP Uncle Mike...I hope that nothing pisses you off anymore, including multiple sclerosis.

I debated flying up to NY to be with my family because of the studying I needed to get done. But, then again, some things are just more important. I will find the time to makeup any study time I lost because of my visit. Hell, if I fail again, I can always take it again, but occasions like these only come around once.

On a random, lighter, note, while observing a pair of young (probably college-aged, but that *is* young to me) kids chatting with and texting on their phones, I wonder how long it will be until we all have microchip-like devices that can be scanned to add people as friends on Facebook. What made me think of this was that the kids were talking about someone who was a "friend" of one, but not the other. They then proceeded to get onto Facebook on their phones, log in, find the person to be added, and then send the friend request. What a hassle (please note sarcasm here)! Wouldn't it be easier to just scan a person and then be able to add them instantly as a friend or add all of their friends? That way, you'll never miss a precious moment in the lives of your 1000s of "friends"!

I like that our new president is so laid back---drinking beer and eschewing the suit jacket.

I hate studying. Wait---didn't I say that already?

I hate studying

2009-01-30T12:10:00.003-05:00

Have I said that already? I really do not like it. I've never been much of a studier anyway. In high school, I was one of those who got good grades despite minimal effort. In college, I got by, though I definitely partied more than I studied. In my last year of college, I did see that my grades were better if I studied. Go figure. Law school wasn't too much different, but I justified my lack of studying with the fact that I was working full time. I studied enough to get a good enough grade.

Studying for the bar exam the first time around wasn't so bad, mainly because all of my classmates were in the same stressed out boat I was. And, I knew that I only had to know enough to pass. It was only a test of minimal competency. Well, obviously I either didn't learn enough to *just* pass it or I'm not minimally competent.

This time, honestly, has been pure hell so far. One thing that is different is that I don't have that same support group that I had last time. The other thing is that more people are telling me what I should do differently to pass. While I know their intent is good, I have to bite my tongue so as to not remind them that, in actuality, there may have only been 1 point separating us, so their way likely isn't going to be the magical salve to my success this time around. I am tweaking some things and doing some things differently (writing out answers to multis, reading outlines out loud, etc.)

I have completed Con Law and Crim Law/Criminal Procedure. I will tackle Evidence this weekend. As for NC subjects, I'm down to Civ Pro and the remaining MBE topics (Torts, Contracts, Property). I am only a day behind on my schedule, which will still leave me 3-4 days to "review" and write essays ad nauseum.

I hate studying. Hate it. Have I said that already?

Con Law Done!

2009-01-16T23:26:00.004-05:00

The good thing about Constitutional Law is that there's not really a NC-specific set of laws that are different than the majority. So, in other words, if Con Law comes up on the NC essays (which it usually does), then most of the knowledge about Con Law needed for MBE will be sufficient to, at least, get by on the NC essay. That's different that some of the other MBE topics because there are substantial variations in NC law that conflict with (or distinguish us from) the majority.

So, topic tally: Con Law, Agency/Partnerships, Corporations, Wills, Trusts, Liens and Suretyships, Professional Responsibility, Family Law. Not bad, at least not for the second time around.

While I was studying tonight, I was thinking about how much different the study of law probably is from other disciplines. The laws are always changing. Sometimes, no sooner the ink has dried on a new textbook, the SCOTUS hears a case and rules in such a way that invalidates half of the case law you've just read. I can't imagine the study of science would involve such variance in principles and basic fundamentals. I mean, a plant is a plant, right? I doubt one day you're learning about chlorophyll and then you get a news bulletin announcing that the highest ranking biologists have now decided that plants don't have chlorophyll. Studying for the bar exam and for any law school exam means knowing the current law, in addition to the common law, minority law, and the majority (which may or may not be the law in your state). And just when you think you've got that all figured out, you wake up and read the news to see that SCOTUS has ruled a bit unexpectedly, like they did the other day in Oregon v. Ice. At least I can feel sigh of relief that that new twist on the law will not be on the bar exam in 5 weeks.

5 weeks? Seriously??? Where's my wine?

Monday Morning Progress Report

2009-01-12T09:23:00.003-05:00

I had another nice weekend, but I fear it might have been the last one of that intensity until after the Bar exam. It's not so much the partying and drinking that is harmful, but rather the general malaise that results the next day. But, to my defense, it is important to relax when possible while studying for the Bar exam. I had to take advantage of the some of the last winter seasonals (beer) before the spring seasonals start rolling in. I also enjoyed celebrating a 40th birthday with a friend. The bar exam IS important, but learning how to balance other important things in life is one of the lessons learned during crunch-time.

So....I finished up Wills and Professional Responsibility. I've also gotten about about 25% of Con Law done. This week, I'll tackle some smaller NC topics, like Mortgages, Trusts, and Agency. I will also finish Con Law.

Another thing I will do this week is work on getting to bed a bit earlier and doing about 15 minutes more of cardio while at the gym (that helps me go to sleep). While I can generally get away with 6 hours of sleep each night, by the time the weekend rolls around, all I want to do is sleep in. Unfortunately, that gives me a late start on a prime day for studying.

Lastly, I will try to stake out a good place to study in the evenings. I'm not sure if it will be a coffee place or a library or a combination of both, but I will have to get out of my house at least a few nights a week if I want to get anything done.

6 full weeks left....where did the time go??!?!

Objectives and Outcomes

2009-01-06T00:31:00.006-05:00

This is where this blog might get quite boring. Crunch time is here. Sigh....

My undergraduate degree is in Foreign Language Education. One of the most helpful things I learned was how to set goals, define objectives, and measure outcomes. Our lessons plans couldn't just say "teach present tense conjugation of verbs ending in -ar." Instead, we were forced to write "students will demonstrate understanding of present tense verbs ending in -ar by demonstrating 80% accuracy in conjugating 10 common verbs."

The past month has been a warm up for me, but now the fun really begins. This week, I will tackle NC Wills and finish up Corporations and Professional Responsibility. I will also do at least 36 MBE multis and write out the answers. I will start tracking my progress here so that I can make sure I am meeting my own goals.

So, tonight I learned (and can write at least a 6 point essay about):

Attested, holographic, and nuncupative wills
Basic requirements for a will to be admitted to probate
Revocation of wills
NC lost wills statute
Dependent Relative Revocation

I also demonstrated 100% accuracy on making a mean mac & cheese and a tomato basil soup to go along with it. However, this past weekend, my objective of catching at least one fish was not met. I was able to cast out with about 50% accuracy and was also able to eat a yummy cannoli with 100% accuracy. If it were not for the bar exam, I would venture to say that accuracy in cannoli eating is a much more useful skill than knowing about nuncupative wills. Well...unless someone wanted to give me a cannoli on their death bed...I don't think the cannoli would last until probate though, so I would have to have a witness write it down that the cannoli was intended for me.

Alas, the legal fog is setting in and soon my life will be reduced to hypothetical situations....again.

Pass the Bar Exam

2009-01-01T14:41:00.004-05:00

That's MY New Year's resolution. In a way, achieving other resolutions are secondary and dependent on passing the bar exam. Reducing the amount of time I spend online will happen as I study more to accomplish my main goal of passing the bar exam. Getting more exercise will happen as I take study breaks or as I do multiple choice questions while on the treadmill (yes, I did that the other night and found it to be a surprisingly effective study practice).

Last night, as I toasted to the New Year, I think I surprised myself by saying that 2008 was a great year for me. Yes, I failed the bar exam, but otherwise I had a great year. The happiness, love, and satisfaction that I felt as a result of the other events of the year made failing the bar exam seem minimal. Generally speaking, life is pretty good for me and I have much to be thankful for.

So, on that note, I resolve to pass the bar exam in February. I have been studying half-heartedly for the past month, but I feel like I am making progress. Studying will really kick into high gear this Monday....after I go fishing. I will do 4 hours of studying each day through January and up to 8-10 hours a day in February. The good thing is that I am not learning this stuff for the first time and much of it seems like review.

When I pass the bar exam in February, I will be able to start working on achieving other goals that I have set for myself....visit new places (South America, Canada....), start my own business, volunteer more, and hike with my dogs more.

But, as my supportive sig other says....first, I have to pass the bar exam. Then, the real fun will begin :)

Balancing One Point

2008-12-12T10:35:00.003-05:00

I have started studying again and am often asked how my studies are going. Depending on the day, my answer will vary. Sometimes I feel confident, especially when I find that I still remember the characteristics of a join tenancy or the rules regarding piercing the corporate veil. Other times, I feel overwhelmed, like when I realize that I've hardly made process on typing up my corporations outline.

One point is my hurdle, but I have to be certain to study just as hard as I did the last time. I admit that this second time around is much harder to get (and stay) motivated for. The material still looks familiar. I am still getting about 60-70% of my MBE multis right. I can still recite the elements for strict liability.

I am finding that I can run 3-5 miles easily on the treadmill when I have my BarBri outline with me. So, though I am not really progressing on typing up new outlines, I am reading the ones I used this summer and reading the big BarBri book. I have some "Law in a Flash" cards that a friend graciously gave me and those have been helpful, if not for the sole reason that it is a new format.

In other news, I am up to about 6 miles that I can run at one time. My marathon junkie of a brother will take me out on Sunday for a long run (for me...it will be an "easy jog" for him). I am looking forward to seeing my progress on achieving that goal of mine in February.

The good thing about studying so much during the winter is that it is much easier to cozy up on the couch with some hot tea, a kitty on my lap, and a Barbri outline when it's dark and cold outside. But, in all honesty...I look forward to cozying up on my couch next winter with a memoir instead of a bar prep outline.

December is for Studying

2008-12-02T11:24:00.003-05:00

Or so I tell myself.

Last week was wonderful. Family and food are among my favorite things in life and Thanksgiving combines those two things very well. Since I'm not in school anymore at night, I've been able to bake more than in years past. I made an eggnog quick bread with rum soaked raisins, a classic pumpkin pie, and an experimental apple pecan chess pie. My sig other's birthday was yesterday, but I decided to hold off on baking his gingerbread spice flan cake until later, considering we had already stuffed our faces plenty over the past week. I need to start taking pictures of these baked goods so that I can blog about them along with a gazillion others who already have food blogs.

One thing I enjoy about entertaining out-of-town guests is having an excuse to go out to nice places to eat. Since the guests (sig other's family) came from Philly, we decided that Southern food would be a nice bet and hence, ventured to Watt's Grocery. Everything we gnoshed on was delightful. If any of y'all have not been there, try to make time to do so. The menu is seasonal and changes often, so it's hard to get bored (though I do wish the deviled ham were on the menu year-round).

This December will be marred by Bar exam study for me. It's a good thing I don't like shopping. In fact, I almost detest shopping during the holiday season. On Black Friday, we went to a beer event/fundraiser at Triangle Brewing Company in Durham. There were 15 casks of NC beer, including my contrasting favorites---Duck Rabbit Coffee Porter and TBC's Habanero XPA. It was a wonderful event and a great way to support a few good causes all at once (cystic fybrosis, supporting local businesses, and supporting NC breweries).

So, now it's officially back to the study grind. The break was good while it lasted. I am going to do a little bit each night through the month of December. Starting off with Suretyships last week was not a good idea. So far, Corporations has been easier going and I know it will be tested. I actually did quite well on the Corporations essay in July, though I doubt piercing the corporate veil will be tested again in February. I'm speculating something about shareholders and mergers. Hmmm....

I haven't had any panic attacks yet about the bar exam. Mainly what I am struggling with is being patient (there are things I want to do now that have been put on hold until March) and staying motivated (sometimes hard to see how a bar license is a benefit when I see my licensed colleagues having difficulties landing gainful employment). I have to remind myself that good things do come to those who wait and that yes, being a licensed attorney will provide me with more opportunities than I have now.

Patience and motivation...can I get a pint of that, please?

Racing Against the Fear

2008-11-20T19:42:00.004-05:00

If y'all haven't figured this out already, I like to make analogies. When I'm running, I tend to analogize everything to running. Tonight was no different.

Since the time change a few weeks ago, I've been trying to figure out how to get in a few runs during the week. I am not a morning person. When I intend to run in the morning, I inevitably choose to sleep another 30 minutes. However, I don't have much of a problem getting motivated to exercise between 5-7 p.m. The fact that it gets dark at 5:30 throws a monkey wrench in my best laid plans to exercise. This week, I tried to run 3 miles on the treadmill and it was dreadful. I love my gym, but the air there is not nearly as fresh and crisp as the air I breathe while running outside. Tonight, I was planning on another run on the treadmill, but decided to run outside instead.

Why haven't I gone running outside in the evening since time change? Because I was afraid. Afraid that something would happen to me and no one would know, afraid that I would fall and injure myself and no one would see me laying on the side of the road, etc...

Well, tonight I decided to face those fears. I will have to face my fears of failure in February when I take the bar exam again. I think one of the best things I can do to help face a fear is to prepare myself for any situation that could present itself.

So, tonight, I put on my reflective gear, tucked my ID and my cell phone in my pocket, texted a friend to say I was heading out for a run, and put my big, vicious attack dogs (well, they're big at least) on their leashes. I went out for a run in my (lighted) neighborhood at a time when I knew people would be getting home. Somehow knowing that my address is on my dogs' tags and that "parents" and "neighbors" were programmed in my cell phone made me feel safer.

And so I ran. It was a wonderful run. I could have gone longer, but my security guards were tired. I did not want to run longer without them. I do think that a healthy sense of fear motivates us and keeps us safer.

Facing the fear of running at dusk will be like facing the fear of the bar exam in February. All I can do is prepare myself to the best of my ability and run with it. Once the adrenaline of running (and of the bar exam) kicks in, the sense of fear subsides and is overcome by a sense of vitality and accomplishment. I won't let my fears beat me.

Now, if only I could take the bar exam with my pups at my side :)

The countdown ticker

2008-11-16T14:04:00.002-05:00

Because I need to see it to believe it.

15 weeks, give or take

2008-11-12T15:06:00.003-05:00

The past month has been fun...historic elections, historic sporting events, beer festivals, beach vacations....time is flying by. I realized that the bar exam, take 2 is right around the corner. So...

Last night, I bit the bullet and devised my plan of action for studying. I calculated that I have about 15 weeks of studying ahead of me. My approach to this bar exam will be quite different than my approach to the July exam. First of all, I have more time. Secondly, many of these concepts and rules will still be fresh in my mind, so I won't be learning them for the first time. Lastly, I have a better idea of what will work for me and what won't.

General plan: Start slowly until mid-December (tackle smaller NC topics, do about 50 MBE questions weekly, read outlines). From mid-December until week before Bar exam, tackle 1-2 bigger NC topics and 1 MBE topic. By then, I should be averaging about 100 multis a week, with a few essays thrown in there. The whole week before the exam will be dedicated to review.

If anyone is interested in my specific study plan, I've posted it online should you wish to 1) re-live your experience from this summer as a reminder of how lucky you are to *not* have to be doing this again; 2)compare your study schedule to it; or 3)offer suggestions as to what you found most helpful in your successful endeavor to pass the bar.

Like last time around, I will do my best to make time for myself and for my friends and for my significant other. I will enjoy a glass of wine or a beer in the evenings as I review flashcards. I will eat well and get enough exercise and enough sleep. This time, though...I will pass.

Perhaps the Biggest Failure of 2008....

2008-11-09T23:59:00.003-05:00

Enough said.

And, finally, NC turned BLUE!!!!

2008-11-06T19:25:00.004-05:00

I waited all day yesterday to hear the other bit of news that I was eagerly anticipating...that Obama had won North Carolina. Unfortunately, provisional ballots kept many from calling North Carolina, though Obama had received more votes than his opponent on election day.

The Obama campaign battled hard in North Carolina and I wanted this last victory. Even if Obama had lost in North Carolina, it would have been a feat in itself that we had come so close. Luckily, Obama was not relying on our electoral votes to win the election, so I felt some comfort in knowing that even if we lost North Carolina, we *did* win the United States.

And then today, two days after the election, the AP called it....

President-elect Obama is the apparent winner in North Carolina, a symbolic triumph in a state that hadn't voted for a Democrat in more than a generation.

North Carolina turned blue. Carolina, Blue! Today was a beautiful day for such inspiring news. I have voted in every election I have been eligible to do so, so my experience at the poll was not much different than what I've experienced in the past. However, I have never felt so proud to be a North Carolinian and an American as I do today.

President-Elect Obama

2008-11-06T19:00:00.005-05:00

Change we can believe in! Barack Obama is the next President of the United States!

I am humbled to have been an active participant in this monumental time in our country's (and our state's) history. I spent the day at a Durham precinct as a poll observer. Though the other poll workers and other election officials did not disclose to me their political leanings, it was quite apparent that we were all hoping that Obama would win.

Over the course of the day, I had to restrain my tears and giggles. I will never forget the grandmother who kept telling her granddaughter (who was too young to vote) to "just mark the Democrat." The young lady named the candidates for a few races and granny insisted that she "just mark the Democrat." She said to the young lady that her first vote was for a Democrat and her last vote would be for a Democrat. I nearly erupted in partisan laughter when I heard granny say (likely out of frustration that her granddaughter kept asking her to mark on the ballot), "Girl, I've done told you...just mark the Democrat. I don't care if it's a kitty cat, if it's Democrat, you mark it." Now, I don't advocate voting for someone purely because of one's political party, but I do think it's a good guideline for novice voters.

I was also impressed by the sheer numbers of people who voted for the first time in their lives (and especially the ones who asked for help at the precinct because they had never "done this before").

When my precinct closed, I called in my numbers and turned on the radio to listen to the news for the first time all day. I could not wait to see the results come in. When the results did start trickling in, I found myself getting more and more excited, yet I had to remind myself that it was still too early to tell for sure.

On the way to a friend's house, we heard Elizabeth Dole's concession speech and felt relieved that NC had booted the incumbent Senator who had little connection to our beloved Tarheel state. More results from North Carolina came in (we elected Bev Perdue as the first female governor) and it was becoming more likely that North Carolina would vote for a Democratic president for the first time since Jimmy Carter in 1976. It was also looking more likely that Barack Obama would be the next president of the United States.

And so the Northeast turned blue....and Pennsylvania turned blue and Virginia turned blue and at 11 p.m. EST on November 4, 2008, the United States officially turned blue. I can't even describe what I felt that moment except by saying that I still tear up when I think about the emotions running through my head and heart in the hours after we learned that we had elected the first African American to the highest executive office of this great country.

I fought back tears as he spoke and as I watched the celebrations going on across the world. I look forward to hearing him speak for the next eight years. I wish him clarity of thought, a peaceful heart, and much safety, perseverance, and courage.

Game 5, Take 2

2008-10-30T10:14:00.003-04:00

After 28 years, the Philadelphia Phillies win the 2008 World Series!

Game 5 was scheduled for Monday, October 27. It was a dream set-up for Phillies fans--a star pitcher on the mound, in Philly, with the team coming off of a blow-out win the night before. The game started off to the Phillies' advantage and Phillies fans became more believing of the reality: the Phillies were in Game 5 of the World Series with a chance at bringing home the coveted title.

And then it started raining. Phillies were ahead 2-1 going into the 6th inning when the Rays scored, tying the game. The decision was made to suspend the game until the weather cleared up. Had the Rays not scored, the game could have been called as a win for the Phillies, but everyone seems to agree that there is limited glory in winning the World Series because Mother Nature happened to be on your side when you were ahead.

So, Game 5 resumed on Wednesday, October 29. It was an exciting game all the way to the end, when the Phillies struck out a Rays batter in the top of the 9th to clinch the victory and the World Series. I always love watching the celebration after a championship win, but I admit that this was one of the most heartfelt victories I've seen.

It took them 2 games to accomplish what they could have accomplished in one game. When all is said and done and time passes, people will begin to forget the weather-induced spectacle that forced Game 5 to be played on 2 different days. However, Phillies fans will never forget that they won the World Series.

I will remember this World Series as I begin to study for the bar...again. In the end, when I PASS the bar in February, others may forget over time that I did not finish the game and bring home the victory on the first occasion. My game has merely been suspended until February. When I pass in February, the sweetness of that victory will overshadow the fact that I had to play the championship game on 2 different days. Like many Phillies fans, I might even shed a few happy tears.

Flat Blueberry Muffins: Another consequence of law school

2008-10-20T23:27:00.005-04:00

Yesterday morning, I was excited to bake blueberry muffins with a very highly rated recipe, using blueberries that my mother had picked (mom has this blueberry-picking fetish of sorts, which is nice, because we all end up with pounds of organic, North Carolina grown blueberries).

I followed the recipe to a "T" and awaited the promised glory of fresh, streusel topping muffins to accompany my coffee and Sunday paper. When they were done, I admit I was disappointed. That didn't stop me from eating 3 of the flat muffins.

I wondered why the muffins didn't turn out well. I called up a culinary-minded friend of mine who promptly asked about my baking soda. I replied that I didn't use baking soda, just baking powder. Hmm...

Looked at the baking powder... "Best if used before July 2003"

Obviously I didn't do much baking in those 4 years I went to law school at night while I worked full-time during the day. I tossed the can and bought a new can of powder at my trusty convenience store.

The second batch of muffins came out gloriously. Sometimes the second time around is sweeter and better anyway...

Closer to 346 than to 13.1

2008-10-20T23:19:00.003-04:00

I missed passing the bar by 1 point. I scored 345. I needed 346. I have until February to improve by 1 point (or, hopefully, more...some insurance would be nice). Training for that will start in November. I will post my study schedule once I figure it out myself.

Now, as for the other February goal...

Right now, I can do a 4 mile run once a week. My other 2-3 runs are about 3 miles. I need to get to 13. The thought of running 13 miles is still overwhelming. By the end of November, I need to be able to run 6 miles comfortably. I really believe that my big obstacle right now is getting over the mental finish-line. When I'm running on a familiar course and I near the end, I fizzle out. I just can't. run. another. minute. I know that it's mental, yet don't know how to get over it except for just making myself go a little bit longer each time.

So, come February, I will know what sitting for a bar exam feels like. I hope to know what running 13 miles feels like. Either way, I will do both and be successful.

I danced and I danced

2008-10-13T21:00:00.004-04:00

I danced so hard that my feet muscles hurt. I will have to make sure to do some extra toe-stretching yoga this evening.

Actually, my run this afternoon felt good for my feet---for the rest of me, not so much. After another weekend of good drinking and eating, getting back on track on Mondays is often a challenge.

Shakori Hills was a wonderful time. The last time I camped there was back in my college days at UNC. This camping experience was much more "grown-up": marinated beef and asian slaw instead of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, good craft beer and red wine instead of Milwaukee Beast and Boone's Farm, sleeping in your tent instead of sleeping wherever you passed out...

But, not surprisingly, I can still party like I did when I was 21, as did my friends. I wonder what all of the high school kids thought about us old folk there dancing next to them at 2 a.m!

One thing I enjoy about Shakori Hills music fests is the multi-generational diversity. There are people of all ages in attendance. My guess is that some older folk were there chaperoning their teenage children. It almost reminded me of Mexico where parties are attended by all generations and where grandparents stay up drinking and dancing until sunrise. There were plenty of children dancing on stages and in the fields. I truly hope they continue to dance with such confidence....they won't look any sillier than we did dancing salsa!

There is good energy at Shakori, for the most part. Apparently, the Durham-born Carolina Chocolate Drops (one of my favs at the fest) played some music powered by a biofuel generator when electricity went out for a bit (hmm...I don't remember that.) It feels like community when you run into coworkers, former classmates, and old friends...I love this area and festivals like Shakori remind me of why.

I finally drifted asleep around 3:30-4 a.m. and arose to our tent neighbors packing up. I'm a light sleeper, so I couldn't fall back asleep (unlike my tent-mate who apparently slept pretty soundly in those wee hours). I went for coffee and enjoyed the feeling of morning...people were doing yoga in the lifting fog, vendors were setting up shop for another shot of making money, and families and friends were enjoying conversations that seem to be only inspired by coffee and wine.

Anyone who goes to yoga classes probably has heard the instructor say "so when you leave here, take this feeling of peace and awareness with you" or something like that. So, when I do my yoga tonight and stretch my toes out, I will remember how good it felt to be dancing without abandon with my sweetie and with friends and in a space full of positive energy where there was no measure of success or failure, just smiles and laughter.

Capitalizing on Mistakes

2008-10-13T14:33:00.006-04:00

Two weekends ago, I went to the Durham World Beer Festival. I had the opportunity to taste lots of different brews from all over this great country. Some of my favorites were Founders Breakfast Stout (already mentioned here before....can you tell it's a favorite?), Moon River Honey Bock, Foothills Sexual Chocolate (yes, that's what it's really called), Kuhnhenn Braggot Mead, and Bud Light Lime (not really...just seeing if you're paying attention, although I've read this is Cindy McCain's favorite beer right now).

I am still a novice beer taster (expert beer-drinker) so I can barely say much more about a beer other than "yum, tastes like coffee" or "yuck, tastes like cat urine." I do like learning about the ingredients that a brewery has used to create a particular brew, as well as any special inspiration for the beer or its namesake.

One beer I tried recently has an interesting background which seems relevant to my current life theme of failing at something, yet somehow finding the silver lining or otherwise making lemonade (lots of failure related sayings out there). Lagunitas Brewing Company's Brown Shugga turned a potentially failed batch of beer into a pretty tasty brew. From the label:

"An aborted batch of their Old Gnarleywine ended up tasting nearly as good as that they were hoping for, so they bottled it. God bless capitalism."

What they had planned didn't turn out as planned. But, instead of crying over spilled milk (or failed barleywine), they figured it wasn't so bad after all and bottled it up (and are making more $$ off of it than they would have if they had ditched the batch of bad beer).

What I had planned on didn't quite turn out the way I had expected. I'm trying to make lemonade (preferably with cane sugar and a fresh mint leaf). But, if I get thirsty enough and there's no more lemonade left, I'll gladly take a Brown Shugga beer and feel proud that I am supporting Lagunitas' attempt to make lemonade out of a less than perfect batch of beer.

Tactile and Left-Brained

2008-10-08T10:27:00.004-04:00

Makes me sound like a dinosaur.

A friend came over last night and brought a book titled How to Learn Anything Quickly. She has been trying to decipher her own style and suggested I do the same since we are both in the enviable position of having to study AGAIN for the Bar exam.

After going through a few quizzes, turns out I'm a tactile, left-brained learner. The left-brain part didn't surprise me much considering that I've always been good at things with words (spelling, writing, foreign language, etc.) However, I didn't realize that I was a tactile learner, although in retrospect, it does make sense.

I take horrible notes (ask my 2 study buddy classmates). See, I don't take notes to read them later---I take them so that I can remember things. That's why I had to go to class in order to learn (law school anyway, not high school or college). If I borrowed someone else's notes, I realized that I didn't learn the material as well.

While studying for the bar, in the last 2 weeks before the exam, I made colored posters of the North Carolina topics and plastered them all over the walls. What was on my posters, I remember. What I didn't write down (like contracts regarding wills), I didn't learn (and consequently received a "0" on that essay on the exam!)

As I slowly begin to get back to studying, I've been thinking about the best way to go about it. Since I *do* have 4 months to study this time around (instead of 2 months last time), I have some flexibility regarding a study schedule.

Things I will do like last time:

Make posters of main topics (though I already have posters made, it's the making of the posters that helps me, not the mere reading them)
Write rules on dry-erase board ad nauseum (write rule, erase, write rule, erase)
Make post-it notes of rules to post around house

Things I will do differently:

While listening to PMBR CDs (which I did in the car), I will take notes (did not do that last time)
Find cases that deal with a certain topic of the law (in law school, I loved reading cases that dealt with tough topics for me to handle---putting faces and facts to the rules helped me remember and conceptualize the laws in action).
NOT sit through another BarBri videotaped lecture and fill out outlines (*not* my style of learning since I only seem to remember what I wrote down and not the whole sentence--some outlines were better than others, but where there were only 2-3 blanks per page, my mind would wander)
After doing a multiple choice question, write down the rule of law (in a notebook, on a dry-erase board, anywhere) instead of just reading the answer
Not take off a whole month to study

I put my supplemental application in the mail yesterday. I should get my graded essays sometime next week. Time is going by quicker than I thought it would. Before long, I'll be back into the land of Torts, Contracts, Constitutional law (though, at the rate this administration is going, this will be a moot topic as there will be no constitutional rights that are still honored), and my favorite topic, Property (not really).

One thing about the NC Bar Exam is that you only get your scores if you fail. So, when I find out that I passed in March, I won't know my score. It would be interesting to know if these proposed changes in studying actually make a measurable difference.

I actually love reading about and learning the law. I just don't like studying for the Bar exam. They are not the same thing (as anyone who has taken a Bar exam knows).

Enough about studying...I promise an update shortly about the Durham Beer Fest last weekend. Last weekend was definitely one of those perfect weekends where I truly felt grateful to be on this Earth and in this space that I'm in now---having passed the Bar in July would not have made me any happier.

Post-season play

2008-10-06T22:59:00.003-04:00

The Phillies are heading to the National League Championship Series!!!! This will be their first time since 1993 Next up for the Phils: the Dodgers.

And, in other sports news from the weekend: UNC beat previously #24 UConn!! UNC made it into the AP Top #25 for the 1st time since 2001, coming in at #22. I hope the winning trend continues and takes UNC to a post-season bowl game.

So, Phillies made it to the post-season. UNC will likely make it to post-season play. Perhaps I should consider the February bar exam as my post-season? A championship of sorts. Not sure I want a Gatorade shower in March when I find out that I passed...

Happy October!

2008-10-01T15:03:00.004-04:00

October is my favorite month of the year. Things I particularly like about October:

College football--Go HEELS!!!!!!!!!
Pumpkin flavored everything (cream cheese, lattes, muffins, beer)
Halloween (and Halloween candy)
Pumpkin pie
70 degree days and 50 degree nights
Leaves changing colors
Outdoor festivals, especially Shakori Hills
Pumpkin pie with homemade whipped cream
Campfires
Running at sunset
Being able to leave the windows open all the time
Fall colors
Pumpkin pie

Yes, I put pumpkin pie in there more than once :)

Go Phillies!!!!!!!!

2008-10-01T14:28:00.002-04:00

The first game of the playoffs is today. I grew up watching the Braves and became quite a fan when the Durham Bulls fed to them. However, for some strange, unknown reason, I've been converted into a Phillies fan. I'll still pull for the Braves if they are playing other teams but I have really enjoyed following the Phils this season.

I'm sure the Mets feel somewhat like I do about failing the bar exam by 1 point. The Mets choked AGAIN in the last game of the season, despite being in front heading into the last games of the season.

Excluding the 1981 split season, the Mets became the first team in major league history to hold 3 1/2-game division leads in consecutive Septembers and fail to make the postseason both times...

What went wrong for them? I'm sure they can't get that loss out of their heads and will analyze it over and over again. It was also the last game at Shea Stadium and the Mets disappointed their fans. They blew it....not once, but twice.

I will not be the Mets. I may have blown it this time, but I will not blow it again in February. To that same note, here's hoping the Phillies don't get swept (again) like they did last year for the NL Championship.

Go Phillies!!!

Gone Fishing

2008-10-01T12:09:00.005-04:00

While every one else was getting their newly minted law licenses in the mail, I got a fishing license. This past weekend, I put it to use. This was not my first fishing trip with my favorite surffisher, but it was the first trip where I fished with him, instead of sitting in the truck reading the UCC (my law buddies cringe at the thought of the UCC, but for those non-law folks out there, the Uniform Commercial Code gives us the rules for dealings in goods).

Ocracoke, NC is a quaint village on the Outer Banks, accessible only by ferry. The weather was gorgeous, although I had to be vigilant about sunscreen (as always). I am one of those who burns in a few minutes unless slathered in at least a 30 SPF. It was so nice to be at the coast with nothing to do except for fish and drink beer.

So, what did I learn (about fishing)? I learned how to cast out on various rods, how to "set the hook," how to reel a fish in without losing it(the fish, not my mind), and how to put live bait (sea mullet) on the hook. Over the course of 4 days, I caught 2 puppy drum that were too small to keep, a spot that was used for bait, a sea mullet that we ate for dinner on Monday evening, and something else that I can't remember right now.

What else did I learn (about life)? Patience is crucial. With fishing, sometimes you just have to wait and wait and wait....and be OK with that. If you always try to "set the hook" or reel your line in everytime you feel something, you'll probably get tired pretty quickly and you might miss out on catching something. It's hard to just be still and wait, especially if you feel like you might be missing out on something. But, in the end, it really is best to be patient and be still. At least for a few minutes.

I was also reminded of my insignificance on this earth in the grand scheme of things. It was new moon so it was very dark out on the beach. Stars and planets were visible in the night sky and crabs were abundant on the beach. We are all ultimately merely a speck on this great planet. The 6 months in between Bar exams is really an insignificant amount of time in my life. I need to be still and patient and let February come to me....no need to wish that it be here any sooner.

Speaking of February...this is the week I can get my graded essays. I am particularly anxious to see essay #10. I know I wrote *something* about wills, but I still got a "0" on the essay (which we were told never happens unless you don't write anything or don't identify the area of law). Obviously, I should not have even wasted my time on it and perhaps should have spent more time on another essay.

One point. I'm still amazed at the difference one point is making in my life right now. I would likely be wrapping things up at my current job and getting ready to really go out there on my own. But, considering that now is not the best time in history to get a business loan nor any other type of credit, having an extra 6 months to save is possibly a blessing in disguise. Clients will probably be pinched to pay attorneys, especially in family law (what I want to do) where people usually don't put away money just in case their spouse cheats on them or leaves them with the kids. Between paying for food and paying an attorney, I think I'd be last on a list of bills to be paid. I'd be up for bartering law services for gasoline, coffee, beer, and nachos, so at least I'd wouldn't go hungry....especially now that I know how to fish.

I just have to be patient and still and wait for the fish to bite my line.

Great Losses by One Point

2008-09-22T23:43:00.005-04:00

I am a big sports fan. I love UNC. I grew up watching sports (the Braves, Giants, and Syracuse were always on the TV or radio while I was growing up). I always wondered how it must feel to be the one who misses the game-winning free throw or drops the winning hail Mary pass in the endzone at the last second of the game.

Somebody has to win and somebody has to lose.

Here are some memorable one point/last inning/last second losses:

1957: UNC beats Kansas by 1 point in 3 overtimes to win the NCAA championship.

1993: Toronto Blue Jays beat the Philadelphia Phillies on a 3 run homer in the bottom of the ninth to win the World Series in Game 6

1997: Florida Marlins beats the Cleveland Indians by one run in the 11th inning to win the World Series in the 7th game

2005: UNC loses to Dook 71-70 (but later beat Dook 75-73 and then went on to win the NCAA Championship.)

2008: New York Giants beat undefeated New England Patriots on a pass with 35 seconds left on the clock to win the Super Bowl (This game was particularly fun to watch in the heart of Patriot country---I kept my mouth shut as a Giants fan.)

Surely there are more (feel free to share your favorites)...

I am not the only one to lose by one point. Next time, I'll do a better job of scouting my opponent and hope that my half-court shots are nothing-but-net and that I catch those hail-mary passes and that my 9th inning home run comes with bases loaded.

Better yet: It will be a blow out. Sorta like UNC's game last year against N.C. State. That would be nice.

Under 21

2008-09-22T22:30:00.004-04:00

I feel like I'm 20 again---everyone else is going out to party while I sit home and wait for the day that I am legal, too. The good thing about that is that I eventually turned 21 and was able to join my friends as they pounded cheap Jell-O shots and sipped from Blue Cups at He's Not. Once I was there with them, I realized I had not really missed much at all. I bet joining the bar in the spring will feel the same way. Right now I'm hearing about what goes on at the bar, but soon I will be hung-over with the rest of them. One difference, though: I can't "fake" sitting at this bar while hoping no one will ask me for my license. Even trying to fake it at this bar will mean giving up my barstool forever.

Speaking of drinking (and trying to live up to my promise of talk about good food and drink), on Wednesday night, I joined a bunch of other Triangle-area beer nerds in welcoming Stone Brewing to NC. I tried an 11th Anniversary (actually, 2) and an Oaked Arrogant Bastard. The evening of libations at Tyler's was followed by dinner and dessert at The Federal. I chose the bread pudding for dinner while my favorite dining companion enjoyed a big (yet very reasonably priced) plateful of rabbit.

At least I'm admitted to those bars. And, in April, I'll be let in to the NC Bar. I hope there's some good beer waiting for me.

One Point

2008-09-22T17:31:00.003-04:00

That's all I failed it by. One point.

I don't know what else to say about that right now, so I'm going to go to the gym, have a drink with a newly sworn in friend. Just one more point on an essay. One more multiple choice question answered correctly.

Just one more point and things would be different. Wow.

Failing: How is that defined?

2008-09-16T23:16:00.004-04:00

I saw this blog and it made me laugh (which, after today's events, was sorely needed):

Pictures of Failing Moments

Some of my favorites...

See, failure is defined in many ways. Somehow, oddly enough, I don't see pictures of anyone who did not pass the bar. We are not failures.

Jogging with Clichés

2008-09-11T22:36:00.005-04:00

I admit: I am not a true runner...yet. While my dad and brother can go on and on about the "runner's high," I am not so convinced...yet. Don't get me wrong--I enjoy running while playing soccer, sprinting while playing tennis, and going on long hikes. But, *just* jogging (which is really what I am doing) is truly a mind over matter experience for me. Currently, I run about 2-3 miles, 2-3 times a week (depending on a lot of things like the weather, what I had for dinner, what time I get home, etc.) When I run with others or when I don't know how long a route is, I can go for longer which makes me know that I have a mental block when it comes to running on my neighborhood. I have a few loops that I run and once I get close to home, I lose steam although I could go another loop to increase my mileage. I only say all of this to let you know why running a half-marathon in February really is a tough goal. I am barely able to run 3 miles, much less 13!

Running is meditative for me. I rarely listen to music while I run, preferring to let my thoughts be the only noise between my ears. It seems that with every foot-strike of the pavement, another thought either enters my mind or becomes more clarified. Lately, as more things have been on my mind, I've truly come to appreciate that my father needed to go run to clear his head at the end of the day. Some people are morning runners. I am not and I wonder if I inherited that from Dad. I just cannot get myself out there in the a.m. to run...I much prefer the evening where you can smell dinners being prepared in the neighborhood or check out what beer or wine the neighbors prefer based on what's in the recycling bin. Actually, when I was younger, when dad was mad at us, he would go out for a run to calm down and to think about our consequences. We could always tell how much trouble we were in by the length of his run.

While I'm running, I often analogize running to whatever is the predominant concern of my life: runningis like studying for the bar exam, running is like failing the bar exam, running is like....

Some of the thoughts I had Tuesday evening while running in the rain (my favorite running condition):

Running is like preparing for the bar exam: everyone goes at their own pace and has their own style, but essentially we all have the same goal (finishing).
Running is like studying for the bar and a lot like life: sometimes you've got to slow down, walk, and breathe deeply. Running when you need to rest causes more harm than good.
Running is like failing the bar: if you aren't able to meet your goal one day, you put your running shoes on the next day and try again.
Running (and yoga) is like failing the bar exam: ultimately, you are your only judge and your harshest critic.
Running is like life: sometimes the pace is steady, sometimes you run "in the zone," sometimes it takes all you've got to finish, sometimes you notice the flowers along the way, sometimes you don't.
Training for a race is like preparing for the bar exam: you train and train and you hope that on race day, you'll be at your peak.
Running in the rain reminded me that while being splashed with muddy water in a pain in the neck and a dirty inconvenience, most people do not intend to splash me, harm me, or otherwise annoy me. For some reason, they are either not paying attention or are so concerned about their own issues to realize that I am running nearby. I just keep running.

Enough clichés for you? Somehow there is comfort in those clichés at times. I guess that's why clichés are so classic: when there's nothing more elaborate to say, sometimes the simplest saying or thought conveys the message the best.

Running strengthens my mind and my body. I'd like to think that preparing for the bar exam strengthens my mind, at the least. However, I am beginning to think that what I am learning from this experience goes far beyond the original intent and scope of what I thought I would learn from it (torts, wills, property, contracts, etc.). I am learning valuable lessons in humility, pride, self-respect, gratitude, and perhaps most importantly, just "being" in the moment and being at peace with what is.

It is what it is and this too shall pass.

Wednesdays

2008-09-10T22:05:00.003-04:00

Wednesdays are my favorite day of the week, with Sunday morning coming in a close second place. Today was a nice Wednesday...work first and then a perfect "me" evening: a slow jog in the rain, yoga class, nachos with guac for dinner, reading the Indy over a glass of a favorite wine.

It has now been over 10 days since I got *that* letter. Today, I was able to request my score. I was almost beginning to forget about it as life is returning to some sense of normalcy. I'm enjoying this.

Threes

2008-09-08T18:07:00.004-04:00

They say bad things happen in threes, right?

A few weeks ago, my grandmother died. Then I learned that I failed the bar exam. And today, I learned that the victim of a domestic violence related homicide was an employee at one of the restaurants I work at. I saw her just a few weeks ago.

In the big scheme of things, not passing the bar exam is not the worst that can happen to me. I am grateful for what I do have in my life: health, love, and happiness...and a safe place to call "home."

My training plan

2008-09-08T16:14:00.003-04:00

I'm not even sure I'm a beginner since I only run 2 nights a week or so. I figure I'll start this up in October once it's a bit cooler in the afternoons. I like the idea of resting on M,W,F. I have yoga class on Wednesday nights but that often conflicts with pint night at Tyler's. Sometimes down dog wins over a summer ale and sometimes I feel that enjoying a great stout over nice conversation is just what I need.

Here's the running plan. I'll gradually build up to 10 miles over the course of 7-8 weeks. If anyone has any recommendations for nice 5-10 mile routes in the Triangle, please let me know.

Ahhh....the weekend

2008-09-08T15:08:00.005-04:00

Considering I spent most of last weekend crying or waiting on the mail, I very much needed a weekend of relaxation. In my blog subtitle, I mention that I am going to talk about good food and drink but have yet to do so. So here goes:

Friday night included a misty, earlier- than- scheduled Chuck Berry performance. We only saw him play for a few umbrella-obscured minutes. After that, we decided to check out the sparkling new Raleigh Convention Center which was hosting the International Festival along with the Raleigh Wide Open celebration. A visit through an International Festival would not be complete without having something to eat, so we enjoyed a baklava sundae (ice cream topped with crumbled baklava and honey syrup). The "fried doe" at one of the stands was tempting, but I decided not to test whether they really meant "fried doe" or if they intended to say "fried dough" instead.

So, no Friday night in downtown Raleigh is complete without stopping by Raleigh Times or the Flying Saucer for a drink. One of the things I enjoy about the fall and winter is the return of my favorite seasonal beers: stouts, porters, and Octoberfest-y brews. At the Saucer, I could not pass up the opportunity to have a Founders Breakfast Stout. This beer combines 3 of my favorite tastes: coffee, chocolate, and beer. I really could have this for breakfast every morning (except that it would make getting to work a bit more challenging). If I recall correctly, I actually had 2 of them on Friday night, but who's counting?

Saturday's adventures included a stop at Tyler's new bottle shop, where a metal sign dropped out of nowhere and fell onto me. Thanks to law school, all I could think of was torts---was that a known hazard? I suffered no damages though, or at least none that I can think of now.

Obviously frightened (ah-ha, I was harmed!) by the falling sign, I needed another drink so we headed to Southern Rail in Carrboro where I had a yummy rum and ginger soda cocktail to pair with the delightfully mole-tasting Oaxacan torte that was one of the special desserts for the evening. I had not been to Southern Rail yet and I am glad to see something successful in that location after many years of changed concepts. It had a cozy environment with different "settings"---an ample patio area in the front and in the back, a few nice bar areas, romantic-looking tables on the inside. It would be an ideal place for a big get-together....especially in the fall when it's not so hot and muggy out.

Sunday, I got my butt kicked at tennis and had almost forgotten that just a week ago I was on the verge of tears on an hourly basis. I'll get better at tennis and I'll get better at writing Bar exam essays. It's just all a matter of time, practice, dedication, and most importantly, patience.

Fail the NC Bar Exam=Become a Politician

2008-09-05T11:54:00.003-04:00

Maybe that's my destiny? I've always been drawn to politics and would like to run for public office one day. Somehow it seems a lot of the well-known bar repeaters are politicians. I wonder if that's mainly because all of their dirty laundry is aired during a campaign and apparently, failing the bar exam is dirty laundry.

I did not know that former governor of NC, Jim Hunt, failed the NC bar exam on his first attempt.

After failing the bar exam, Hunt moved with his wife and daughter to Nepal, where he worked as an economic adviser for the Ford Foundation for two years.
In 1966, he passed the bar exam on his second try and joined a law practice in Wilson.

Ooh, moving to Nepal...I had not thought about that before. I wonder if he brought flashcards with him.

Roll Call

2008-09-05T10:27:00.003-04:00

Today is the day that the results will be posted online for everyone and their grandmother to see (assuming granny gets online or is even around). However, it should be noted that there will be some names missing from that list other than those of us lucky enough to have not passed. Some people may have passed the bar exam but had not taken (or passed) the MPRE (ethics exam) before sitting for the bar exam. Also, some people may still be pending a character and fitness interview for whatever reason (drugs, prostitution, shoplifting, kicking a cat in middle school). So, I am preparing myself for a few emails and/or calls from some folks when they don't see my name on that list.

Yep, I passed the MPRE in November. Yep, I passed all of my character and fitness stuff (which reminds me---will I have to keep amending my application until March? Grr.) But, no, I did not pass the bar exam. Shucks.

I went to UNC-Chapel Hill for undergrad. I am a huge UNC basketball fan. Failing the bar exam is possibly like UNC losing to Kansas in the Final Four last year. They had the best team, the best player, had practiced a lot....yet still got beaten. But, everyone came back for this season and now we all think there is no possible reason we won't win the NCAA Championship....of course, unless we get beaten again. I make this analogy to comfort myself and maybe comfort others who felt that they would win against the Bar Exam, but who, unfortunately, lost.

For those who say or think I may not have done enough....in my mind, I did. I did Invest in Success (a program at my school geared towards bar prep), BarBri classes, PMBR, over 2000 multiple choice questions (maybe even more---I lost count after awhile), at least 3 full-length timed practice MBEs, a poster for every NC subject, notecards, post-it notes, listened to PMBR CDs...you name it, I tried it.

And I still lost.

But, hey.......there's always next year.

Are those crickets I hear?

2008-09-04T12:26:00.002-04:00

I just changed the settings on here so that you can leave comments without registering, so feel free to do so. I am even choosing not to moderate them, so anything goes (well, so long as you aren't stealing your one-liners from the RNC speeches last night).

Goals and More Goals

2008-09-04T11:30:00.001-04:00

Reminds me of Univision's coverage of a soccer game: "Gooooooooooooooooollllllllll!!!!!!!!!!"

Confession: It's really hard for me to not plan and set goals.

I never truly realized that until now. Over the past week, as I ramble on to friends, my boss, and my significant other about my "plan" for the next 5-6 months, they have all told me to stop trying to plan things right now. I've been told to take some time off of studying, to take a break....but I am already getting antsy.

Last night, I did pick up a book to read and had a hard time putting it down. I've got stacks of books that I have accumulated over the past four years--my love of reading was only temporarily tempered by a lack of time to do so (thanks to 4 years of law school, at night, while working full-time). I am excited about using the fall and winter to make a dent on my Amazon wish list.

Other non-studying-for-the-bar-exam goals I have for the next few months:

Train for half-marathon: this will start in earnest once my marathoner brother gives me my training schedule. I imagine I'll be running 3-4 evenings a week, at least.
Read a book for pleasure every 2 weeks (or so).
Plant perennials and bulbs in front yard planters (going to class at night meant that weekend projects that were not finished were put off until later and "later" never really came back around).
Volunteer more often (especially with political campaigns of those I support).
Seal kitchen tiles and fix up baseboards. Yeah....long overdue.
Catch a fish.

Those are reasonable, right? Perhaps by focusing on the other enjoyable things in my life, the importance of the bar exam will fade somewhat. Yes, passing it IS important, but I have no doubt I can have a joy-filled life without it (for now). And truth be told, I don't doubt that WHEN I pass the bar in February and WHEN I start my legal career, I will look back on these days where I had the time to read for fun, work in the yard, and to go fishing and wonder why I wanted them to go by more quickly.

Coming out of the Closet

2008-09-03T15:29:00.000-04:00

So failing the bar has been likened to cancer (see previous post) and it seems that announcing you've not passed is like being gay and coming out of the closet. Rumor has it that my school had an 81% pass rate, which means that there are more that did not pass than the 5 others I know about. I urge the others to "come out" and find safety and solace in knowing that you are not the only one. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

Why did I decide to "come out"? Simple: there was nothing to be ashamed of. At first I was afraid of judgment, but a dear friend of mine reminded me that judgment is a form of violence. The kinda crunchy new-age hippie in me (or, as a con law professor called me "a tree-hugging granola bleeding-heart liberal") agrees. Therefore, though my first instinct was to not tell anyone other than my closest friends, I soon decided to out myself. I wanted to own it---not be ashamed of the fact that I DID NOT PASS THE BAR EXAM (but I will in February).

I worried about telling my classmates, but then figured that if they judged me for failing, that was their problem, not mine. If they think I'm less intelligent, less hard-working, less successful, then so be it. But, ultimately, I knew that my classmates and colleagues are a wonderful bunch of people and I gave them the benefit of the doubt that they would not judge me. I'm glad I did. I have received so many thoughtful emails and messages from friends and classmates. Yes, I was in tears most of the time when I read those words, but those words helped me confirm what I know is true: I am not stupid, I am not a failure, I will pass.

To think I would have deprived myself of that support for fear of being judged.....

Jobs and Treats

2008-09-03T13:34:00.001-04:00

This morning, I didn't cry. That, my friends, is a small step forward. I felt somewhat optimistic, in fact. I felt a bit of relief knowing that I had a job to go to---that my life is not defined by a law license. For those who don't already know this, I am a translator/interpreter/recruiter/trainer for a large quick service (ok, fast food) franchise here in NC. So, despite not being deemed "minimally competent" for a law license, I am a certified Master Biscuit Maker. Not only can I whip up some top-notch biscuits, I can do so in less than 3 1/2 minutes. Surely that makes me more than "minimally competent." Right?

There are those who just passed the bar and who are, unfortunately, unemployed. If I did not have my job, not passing the bar would have been more of a setback, especially if loan repayments were due. For those who did not pass the bar, yet who are in that situation, I am very sorry. Another reason not passing the bar sucks. Big time.

Since I was planning on going out on my own, I had seriously curtailed spending in the past few months in order to save up. Now that I know I will have an income through the fall and winter, I allowed myself to a few treats: houseplants (over the past year, all the ones I had before died due to lack of care), new hiking boots, and a few new knives (for cooking....and for slashing bar review material in March).

Each day is easier than the day before it. Again, I tell myself that if this is the worst thing that could happen to me, life is pretty good.

The first thing I read after it sunk in

2008-09-02T14:32:00.000-04:00

Assuming it truly has sunk in, of course....

After I weeded through the ads for bar review courses when I googled "fail bar exam", I came across this helpful blog: The Uncivil Litigator. There is some really good advice on there and I am somewhat comforted by the number of folks who have failed the bar exam. My favorite tidbit of consolation is this: "Failing the bar exam is simply a pain in the ass that will end relatively soon in the major scheme of things."

I have heard it likened to cancer---that even the healthiest, most active people get it, while the pack-a-day smokers live to 90. So, I decided to call up my friend who just beat cancer. Her response, "Well, sorta-except you can't DIE from failing the bar exam and you don't have to go through chemotherapy to get over it." Put that way, she's right. I am not going to die from failing the bar exam (unless, well, I drink myself into an unconcious stupor, get electrocuted from studying on my laptop in the tub, or get a horrible infection from index-card induced paper cuts). And, no, I don't have to go through chemo (and my friend is a champ to have gone through it and beat cancer, a true inspiration), but I just might have to spend weeks in detox to reverse the effects of the coffee, beer, wine and bad food ingested while studying for the bar (or waiting for results and the subsequent numbing/celebrating of said results). But, it is not chemo, and for that, I am grateful.

I admit I am frightened by the prospect of being one of those who takes it multiple times to no avail. But, the silver lining is that people do pass the bar eventually, be it after 2 tries, 5 tries, 13 tries, or 47 tries. The key is to not give up.

Here are others who have failed a bar exam:
Hilary Clinton (Failed DC exam, passed Arkansas)
Kathleen Sullivan (former dean of Stanford Law who had argues cases before the Supreme
Court)
John F. Kennedy, Jr. (fainlly passed on 3rd attempt, with special accomodations)

And others including Antonio Villaraigosa, Pat Robertson, Abraham Lincoln, Ed Koch and Greg Mathis (TV judges---hey, there's a career I haven't thought of---hmm, there's Divorce Court, People's Court, Judge Judy....how about Who's My Daddy? court or Deportation (*ahem* removal) Court?)

Work-The Walk of Shame

2008-09-02T10:21:00.000-04:00

You know how you feel the morning after you've had too much to drink? You wonder if you've said inappropriate things, danced on the top of the bar, insulted your boss, flirted with the waiter a bit too much.....You go to work or see your friends and wonder why everyone is looking at you kinda funny. I feel that way right now. I feel everyone knows yet no one wants to ask about it. I guess the look on my face says it all (not to mention the bloodshot eyes that come from 3 nights of restless sleep, daily bouts of tears, and a few too many beers).

I guess the good thing is that I have a job that doesn't require a law license. I admit I am tad envious of those who get to start working at their new law jobs and use that newly minted license.

This week's focus for recovery: truly believing that this is not indicative of my knowledge, intellect, or ability to be an attorney.

Here's an interesting article I came across while searching "fail bar exam": "The Science of Passing the Bar Exam: Does First-Year Torts Really Matter?" I found this comment particularly comforting:

But the study does support a conclusion that most law students and lawyers already know: no matter what you took or how well you did in law school, the bar exam is an experience all its own.

It really is an experience all its own.

An Exclusive Club

2008-09-01T17:19:00.000-04:00

We, the failers, are an exclusive group. Based on statistical reasoning alone, more people pass the bar than fail it. I find relief in those who say "No one passes the bar on the first time!" because, although it's not true, it reminds me that most people outside of the legal community have very little knowledge about what the Bar exam really is all about. It is a mammoth exam and I'm not sure what passing it really means about one's ability to be a zealous advocate. I have found comfort in the words of many of my classmates who consoled me by admitting their fear...that any one of them could be sitting at the edge of the bar with me right now, with that "unsuccessful" letter in hand (mine is now wine-stained).

I do hope that I am one of a few from my alma mater to not pass on the first time. I sincerely hope our school has the highest pass rate ever. Based on what I'm seeing, it looks like most of my classmates have passed. CONGRATULATIONS to all of you!!!!!! I truly wish I could be a part of the celebration (and the passing rate), but I will be there in February, no doubt. I still feel a bit left out, but I'm sure that feeling will pass as the days go by.

The Morning After--Disappointment Hangover

2008-09-01T16:01:00.000-04:00

Two days after I got my "unsuccessful" letter, I am told I am managing well. Mornings are the hardest so far, mainly because when I am awaken by dogs or my internal alarm clock, I can't fall back asleep because I am thinking about the fact that I did not pass the NC Bar exam.

"I regret to inform you that you were unsuccessful on the July 2008 North Carolina Bar Exam." Now, when I opened that letter, I knew that some people would not pass. I did not think I would be one of them. All I had heard for the past 2-3 months was "You'll be fine!" or "Don't worry, I'm sure you aced it!" Or, my personal favorite...."My brother is stupid as can be. If he can pass it, so can you." I know these were all well-intentioned comments, but the bar exam is really a crapshoot. I studied nearly 10 hours a day for the whole month of July. I took BarBri and PMBR. I did 30 multiple choice questions a day. I made notecards, posters, charts. I studied harder in that month than I have ever studied before. And I failed.

By how much? Who knows? In NC, you can only see your score if you fail and request to see the report. But, I have to wait 2 weeks in order to request that. So, as of today, I don't know whether it was the essays that did me in (I felt confident, but essays have never been my strong point) or the MBE (I ran out of time and guessed on a large handful).

The good things:

I do not have debt from law school (nor any other debt other than the mortgage) and technically, I am still employed in a place where I do not need a license to practice.
I have a wonderfully supportive family (including my father who is an elementary school guidance counselor and as such, is used to helping kids deal with feelings of failure and disappointment)
Steadfast friends who were surprised that someone as smart as I am (their words) could fail this test (there MUST be something wrong with the test, they say).
The best boyfriend in the whole world who assures me he still loves me even though I failed the bar (and makes sure that my wine or beer glass is always full).

In the meantime, I will try to figure out a plan for the next 5-6 months. Surely that will be plenty of time to learn all I need to know about the law. I am also going to train for a half-marathon, with the hope of being successful at something. It has always been a goal of mine to run a marathon, so I figure that I can work towards accomplishing that goal while I work on this other goal of passing the Bar Exam. The tentative plan is to run the Myrtle Beach Half-Marathon on Valentine's Day, with abovementioned BF...2 weeks before Bar Exam: Take 2.

Off to find those stories of famous people who have failed the Bar Exam....

Sitting at the Edge of the Bar

~~~UNC NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!~~~

Still Soaking it all in

SUCCESSFUL!!!!!

Results are in the mail

Brackets, Biscuits, and Bar Results

March Madness

Windfall-bound

It is Written

Back to Running

Done

Blurbs as an Essay

Day One, Done

Decanting

Closing the Books....for good

Fizzling out

The Saturday Before

Facebook Statuses

A trust is....

Brick Walls and Breaks

GO HEELS!!!!!

You Know You're in the Bar Exam Study Zone when...

70 Degrees and Beginning to Sweat

La Copa Vida

Got my Ticket

Torts, done!

Frustration of Purpose and Confusion of the Issues

Scooters

I hate studying

Con Law Done!

Monday Morning Progress Report

Objectives and Outcomes

Pass the Bar Exam

Balancing One Point

December is for Studying

Racing Against the Fear

The countdown ticker

15 weeks, give or take

Perhaps the Biggest Failure of 2008....

And, finally, NC turned BLUE!!!!

President-Elect Obama

Game 5, Take 2

Flat Blueberry Muffins: Another consequence of law school

Closer to 346 than to 13.1

I danced and I danced

Capitalizing on Mistakes

Tactile and Left-Brained

Post-season play

Happy October!

Go Phillies!!!!!!!!

Gone Fishing

Great Losses by One Point

Under 21

One Point

Failing: How is that defined?

Jogging with Clichés

Wednesdays

Threes

My training plan

Ahhh....the weekend

Fail the NC Bar Exam=Become a Politician

Roll Call

Are those crickets I hear?

Goals and More Goals

Coming out of the Closet

Jobs and Treats

The first thing I read after it sunk in

Work-The Walk of Shame

An Exclusive Club

The Morning After--Disappointment Hangover

~UNC NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!~