Frustration of Purpose and Confusion of the Issues

Two legal phrases that best describe my mental state right now.

Last night, after scoring 78% on an Evidence practice set, I decided to go to bed. I was late anyway, but I did finish Evidence. For some reason, I decided to take my July 2008 Bar Exam essays to bed with me. Bad idea.

My undergrad degree is Education, so I learned how to test students and also how to give feedback. I was reminded last night that the bar examiners who write (and grade) those exams are lawyers, not teachers. For one, having essays with no writing on them to indicate where I did get points left me wondering where I really went wrong, especially when my essay covers the same things as a "model" essay. Was it my knowledge of the law that didn't come through as coherently? Did I not say the magic phrase? Second, knowing my score on an essay is almost useless if you don't know the overall range of scores---if average was a 5, then my 3 wasn't so bad after all.

I was also reminded of the range of my scores and that reminded me that different people write each question and grade it. So, it's obvious that the person who graded my Wills essay gave no points for about 10 things I mentioned that were also mentioned in the model essay. I could have written a letter to Santa on that essay and received as many points as I did actually writing about the issue (that would be 0 points). Yes, I got 0 points on an essay. It is a myth that if you identify the issue and write some basic, applicable rules, you'll get at least a point. Not true.

One point is all I have to recover, but I am aiming to recover a lot more. As for coverage, I am now down to Torts, Contracts, and Property (and their respective NC topics). I'm also down to 23 days until showtime. From today on out, it's at least 6 hours of studying a day until I take off time from work. At that point, it will be 8-10 hours a day. But, I will only be reviewing, which will be different than last time. Right now, I am feeling confident about the MBE, but not so confident about the essays. But, that is kinda where I expected to be at this point in the game---I wanted to get the MBE topics under my belt so that I could focus on memorizing NC law and writing essays in the home stretch.

I will pass the bar. I will pass the bar. I will pass the bar.

15 weeks, give or take

The past month has been fun...historic elections, historic sporting events, beer festivals, beach vacations....time is flying by. I realized that the bar exam, take 2 is right around the corner. So...

Last night, I bit the bullet and devised my plan of action for studying. I calculated that I have about 15 weeks of studying ahead of me. My approach to this bar exam will be quite different than my approach to the July exam. First of all, I have more time. Secondly, many of these concepts and rules will still be fresh in my mind, so I won't be learning them for the first time. Lastly, I have a better idea of what will work for me and what won't.

General plan: Start slowly until mid-December (tackle smaller NC topics, do about 50 MBE questions weekly, read outlines). From mid-December until week before Bar exam, tackle 1-2 bigger NC topics and 1 MBE topic. By then, I should be averaging about 100 multis a week, with a few essays thrown in there. The whole week before the exam will be dedicated to review.

If anyone is interested in my specific study plan, I've posted it online should you wish to 1) re-live your experience from this summer as a reminder of how lucky you are to *not* have to be doing this again; 2)compare your study schedule to it; or 3)offer suggestions as to what you found most helpful in your successful endeavor to pass the bar.

Like last time around, I will do my best to make time for myself and for my friends and for my significant other. I will enjoy a glass of wine or a beer in the evenings as I review flashcards. I will eat well and get enough exercise and enough sleep. This time, though...I will pass.

Gone Fishing

While every one else was getting their newly minted law licenses in the mail, I got a fishing license. This past weekend, I put it to use. This was not my first fishing trip with my favorite surffisher, but it was the first trip where I fished with him, instead of sitting in the truck reading the UCC (my law buddies cringe at the thought of the UCC, but for those non-law folks out there, the Uniform Commercial Code gives us the rules for dealings in goods).

Ocracoke, NC is a quaint village on the Outer Banks, accessible only by ferry. The weather was gorgeous, although I had to be vigilant about sunscreen (as always). I am one of those who burns in a few minutes unless slathered in at least a 30 SPF. It was so nice to be at the coast with nothing to do except for fish and drink beer.

So, what did I learn (about fishing)? I learned how to cast out on various rods, how to "set the hook," how to reel a fish in without losing it(the fish, not my mind), and how to put live bait (sea mullet) on the hook. Over the course of 4 days, I caught 2 puppy drum that were too small to keep, a spot that was used for bait, a sea mullet that we ate for dinner on Monday evening, and something else that I can't remember right now.

What else did I learn (about life)? Patience is crucial. With fishing, sometimes you just have to wait and wait and wait....and be OK with that. If you always try to "set the hook" or reel your line in everytime you feel something, you'll probably get tired pretty quickly and you might miss out on catching something. It's hard to just be still and wait, especially if you feel like you might be missing out on something. But, in the end, it really is best to be patient and be still. At least for a few minutes.

I was also reminded of my insignificance on this earth in the grand scheme of things. It was new moon so it was very dark out on the beach. Stars and planets were visible in the night sky and crabs were abundant on the beach. We are all ultimately merely a speck on this great planet. The 6 months in between Bar exams is really an insignificant amount of time in my life. I need to be still and patient and let February come to me....no need to wish that it be here any sooner.

Speaking of February...this is the week I can get my graded essays. I am particularly anxious to see essay #10. I know I wrote *something* about wills, but I still got a "0" on the essay (which we were told never happens unless you don't write anything or don't identify the area of law). Obviously, I should not have even wasted my time on it and perhaps should have spent more time on another essay.

One point. I'm still amazed at the difference one point is making in my life right now. I would likely be wrapping things up at my current job and getting ready to really go out there on my own. But, considering that now is not the best time in history to get a business loan nor any other type of credit, having an extra 6 months to save is possibly a blessing in disguise. Clients will probably be pinched to pay attorneys, especially in family law (what I want to do) where people usually don't put away money just in case their spouse cheats on them or leaves them with the kids. Between paying for food and paying an attorney, I think I'd be last on a list of bills to be paid. I'd be up for bartering law services for gasoline, coffee, beer, and nachos, so at least I'd wouldn't go hungry....especially now that I know how to fish.

I just have to be patient and still and wait for the fish to bite my line.

One Point

That's all I failed it by.  One point.

I don't know what else to say about that right now, so I'm going to go to the gym, have a drink with a newly sworn in friend.  Just one more point on an essay.  One more multiple choice question answered correctly.

Just one more point and things would be different.  Wow.

Jogging with Clichés

I admit: I am not a true runner...yet. While my dad and brother can go on and on about the "runner's high," I am not so convinced...yet. Don't get me wrong--I enjoy running while playing soccer, sprinting while playing tennis, and going on long hikes. But, *just* jogging (which is really what I am doing) is truly a mind over matter experience for me. Currently, I run about 2-3 miles, 2-3 times a week (depending on a lot of things like the weather, what I had for dinner, what time I get home, etc.) When I run with others or when I don't know how long a route is, I can go for longer which makes me know that I have a mental block when it comes to running on my neighborhood. I have a few loops that I run and once I get close to home, I lose steam although I could go another loop to increase my mileage. I only say all of this to let you know why running a half-marathon in February really is a tough goal. I am barely able to run 3 miles, much less 13!

Running is meditative for me. I rarely listen to music while I run, preferring to let my thoughts be the only noise between my ears. It seems that with every foot-strike of the pavement, another thought either enters my mind or becomes more clarified. Lately, as more things have been on my mind, I've truly come to appreciate that my father needed to go run to clear his head at the end of the day. Some people are morning runners. I am not and I wonder if I inherited that from Dad. I just cannot get myself out there in the a.m. to run...I much prefer the evening where you can smell dinners being prepared in the neighborhood or check out what beer or wine the neighbors prefer based on what's in the recycling bin. Actually, when I was younger, when dad was mad at us, he would go out for a run to calm down and to think about our consequences. We could always tell how much trouble we were in by the length of his run.

While I'm running, I often analogize running to whatever is the predominant concern of my life: runningis like studying for the bar exam, running is like failing the bar exam, running is like....

Some of the thoughts I had Tuesday evening while running in the rain (my favorite running condition):

• Running is like preparing for the bar exam:  everyone goes at their own pace and has their own style, but essentially we all have the same goal (finishing).
• Running is like studying for the bar and a lot like life: sometimes you've got to slow down, walk, and breathe deeply.  Running when you need to rest causes more harm than good.
• Running is like failing the bar: if you aren't able to meet your goal one day, you put your running shoes on the next day and try again.
• Running (and yoga) is like failing the bar exam: ultimately, you are your only judge and your harshest critic.
• Running is like life: sometimes the pace is steady, sometimes you run "in the zone," sometimes it takes all you've got to finish, sometimes you notice the flowers along the way, sometimes you don't.
• Training for a race is like preparing for the bar exam: you train and train and you hope that on race day, you'll be at your peak.
• Running in the rain reminded me that while being splashed with muddy water in a pain in the neck and a dirty inconvenience, most people do not intend to splash me, harm me, or otherwise annoy me.  For some reason, they are either not paying attention or are so concerned about their own issues to realize that I am running nearby.  I just keep running. 

Enough clichés for you?  Somehow there is comfort in those clichés at times.  I guess that's why clichés are so classic: when there's nothing more elaborate to say, sometimes the simplest saying or thought conveys the message the best. 

Running strengthens my mind and my body.  I'd like to think that preparing for the bar exam strengthens my mind, at the least.  However, I am beginning to think that what I am learning from this experience goes far beyond the original intent and scope of what I thought I would learn from it (torts, wills, property, contracts, etc.).  I am learning valuable lessons in humility, pride, self-respect, gratitude, and perhaps most importantly, just "being" in the moment and being at peace with what is.

It is what it is and this too shall pass.

Fail the NC Bar Exam=Become a Politician

Maybe that's my destiny? I've always been drawn to politics and would like to run for public office one day. Somehow it seems a lot of the well-known bar repeaters are politicians. I wonder if that's mainly because all of their dirty laundry is aired during a campaign and apparently, failing the bar exam is dirty laundry.

I did not know that former governor of NC, Jim Hunt, failed the NC bar exam on his first attempt.

After failing the bar exam, Hunt moved with his wife and daughter to Nepal, where he worked as an economic adviser for the Ford Foundation for two years.

In 1966, he passed the bar exam on his second try and joined a law practice in Wilson.

Ooh, moving to Nepal...I had not thought about that before. I wonder if he brought flashcards with him.