Closer to 346 than to 13.1

I missed passing the bar by 1 point.  I scored 345.  I needed 346.  I have until February to improve by 1 point (or, hopefully, more...some insurance would be nice).  Training for that will start in November.  I will post my study schedule once I figure it out myself.

Now, as for the other February goal...

Right now, I can do a 4 mile run once a week.  My other 2-3 runs are about 3 miles. I need to get to 13.  The thought of running 13 miles is still overwhelming.  By the end of November, I need to be able to run 6 miles comfortably.  I really believe that my big obstacle right now is getting over the mental finish-line. When I'm running on a familiar course and I near the end, I fizzle out.  I just can't. run. another. minute.  I know that it's mental, yet don't know how to get over it except for just making myself go a little bit longer each time.

So, come February, I will know what sitting for a bar exam feels like.  I hope to know what running 13 miles feels like.  Either way, I will do both and be successful.

My training plan

I'm not even sure I'm a beginner since I only run 2 nights a week or so. I figure I'll start this up in October once it's a bit cooler in the afternoons. I like the idea of resting on M,W,F. I have yoga class on Wednesday nights but that often conflicts with pint night at Tyler's. Sometimes down dog wins over a summer ale and sometimes I feel that enjoying a great stout over nice conversation is just what I need.

Here's the running plan. I'll gradually build up to 10 miles over the course of 7-8 weeks. If anyone has any recommendations for nice 5-10 mile routes in the Triangle, please let me know.

Goals and More Goals

Reminds me of Univision's coverage of a soccer game: "Gooooooooooooooooollllllllll!!!!!!!!!!"

Confession: It's really hard for me to not plan and set goals.

I never truly realized that until now. Over the past week, as I ramble on to friends, my boss, and my significant other about my "plan" for the next 5-6 months, they have all told me to stop trying to plan things right now. I've been told to take some time off of studying, to take a break....but I am already getting antsy.

Last night, I did pick up a book to read and had a hard time putting it down. I've got stacks of books that I have accumulated over the past four years--my love of reading was only temporarily tempered by a lack of time to do so (thanks to 4 years of law school, at night, while working full-time). I am excited about using the fall and winter to make a dent on my Amazon wish list.

Other non-studying-for-the-bar-exam goals I have for the next few months:

1. Train for half-marathon: this will start in earnest once my marathoner brother gives me my training schedule. I imagine I'll be running 3-4 evenings a week, at least.
2. Read a book for pleasure every 2 weeks (or so).
3. Plant perennials and bulbs in front yard planters (going to class at night meant that weekend projects that were not finished were put off until later and "later" never really came back around).
   
4. Volunteer more often (especially with political campaigns of those I support).
5. Seal kitchen tiles and fix up baseboards. Yeah....long overdue.
   
6. Catch a fish.
   

Those are reasonable, right? Perhaps by focusing on the other enjoyable things in my life, the importance of the bar exam will fade somewhat. Yes, passing it IS important, but I have no doubt I can have a joy-filled life without it (for now). And truth be told, I don't doubt that WHEN I pass the bar in February and WHEN I start my legal career, I will look back on these days where I had the time to read for fun, work in the yard, and to go fishing and wonder why I wanted them to go by more quickly.

The Morning After--Disappointment Hangover

Two days after I got my "unsuccessful" letter, I am told I am managing well. Mornings are the hardest so far, mainly because when I am awaken by dogs or my internal alarm clock, I can't fall back asleep because I am thinking about the fact that I did not pass the NC Bar exam.

"I regret to inform you that you were unsuccessful on the July 2008 North Carolina Bar Exam." Now, when I opened that letter, I knew that some people would not pass. I did not think I would be one of them. All I had heard for the past 2-3 months was "You'll be fine!" or "Don't worry, I'm sure you aced it!" Or, my personal favorite...."My brother is stupid as can be. If he can pass it, so can you." I know these were all well-intentioned comments, but the bar exam is really a crapshoot. I studied nearly 10 hours a day for the whole month of July. I took BarBri and PMBR. I did 30 multiple choice questions a day. I made notecards, posters, charts. I studied harder in that month than I have ever studied before. And I failed.

By how much? Who knows? In NC, you can only see your score if you fail and request to see the report. But, I have to wait 2 weeks in order to request that. So, as of today, I don't know whether it was the essays that did me in (I felt confident, but essays have never been my strong point) or the MBE (I ran out of time and guessed on a large handful).

The good things:

• I do not have debt from law school (nor any other debt other than the mortgage) and technically, I am still employed in a place where I do not need a license to practice.
• I have a wonderfully supportive family (including my father who is an elementary school guidance counselor and as such, is used to helping kids deal with feelings of failure and disappointment)
  
• Steadfast friends who were surprised that someone as smart as I am (their words) could fail this test (there MUST be something wrong with the test, they say).
  
• The best boyfriend in the whole world who assures me he still loves me even though I failed the bar (and makes sure that my wine or beer glass is always full).
  

In the meantime, I will try to figure out a plan for the next 5-6 months. Surely that will be plenty of time to learn all I need to know about the law. I am also going to train for a half-marathon, with the hope of being successful at something. It has always been a goal of mine to run a marathon, so I figure that I can work towards accomplishing that goal while I work on this other goal of passing the Bar Exam. The tentative plan is to run the Myrtle Beach Half-Marathon on Valentine's Day, with abovementioned BF...2 weeks before Bar Exam: Take 2.

Off to find those stories of famous people who have failed the Bar Exam....