Racing Against the Fear

If y'all haven't figured this out already, I like to make analogies.  When I'm running, I tend to analogize everything to running.  Tonight was no different.

Since the time change a few weeks ago, I've been trying to figure out how to get in a few runs during the week.  I am not a morning person.  When I intend to run in the morning, I inevitably choose to sleep another 30 minutes.  However, I don't have much of a problem getting motivated to exercise between 5-7 p.m.  The fact that it gets dark at 5:30 throws a monkey wrench in my best laid plans to exercise.  This week, I tried to run 3 miles on the treadmill and it was dreadful.  I love my gym, but the air there is not nearly as fresh and crisp as the air I breathe while running outside.  Tonight, I was planning on another run on the treadmill, but decided to run outside instead.

Why haven't I gone running outside in the evening since time change? Because I was afraid.  Afraid that something would happen to me and no one would know, afraid that I would fall and injure myself and no one would see me laying on the side of the road, etc...

Well, tonight I decided to face those fears.  I will have to face my fears of failure in February when I take the bar exam again.  I think one of the best things I can do to help face a fear is to prepare myself for any situation that could present itself.   

So, tonight, I put on my reflective gear, tucked my ID and my cell phone in my pocket, texted a friend to say I was heading out for a run, and put my big, vicious attack dogs (well, they're big at least) on their leashes.  I went out for a run in my (lighted) neighborhood at a time when I knew people would be getting home.  Somehow knowing that my address is on my dogs' tags and that "parents" and "neighbors" were programmed in my cell phone made me feel safer.

And so I ran.  It was a wonderful run.  I could have gone longer, but my security guards were tired.    I did not want to run longer without them.  I do think that a healthy sense of fear motivates us and keeps us safer.

Facing the fear of running at dusk will be like facing the fear of the bar exam in February.  All I can do is prepare myself to the best of my ability and run with it.  Once the adrenaline of running (and of the bar exam) kicks in, the sense of fear subsides and is overcome by a sense of vitality and accomplishment.  I won't let my fears beat me.

Now, if only I could take the bar exam with my pups at my side :)