Coming out of the Closet

So failing the bar has been likened to cancer (see previous post) and it seems that announcing you've not passed is like being gay and coming out of the closet. Rumor has it that my school had an 81% pass rate, which means that there are more that did not pass than the 5 others I know about. I urge the others to "come out" and find safety and solace in knowing that you are not the only one. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

Why did I decide to "come out"? Simple: there was nothing to be ashamed of. At first I was afraid of judgment, but a dear friend of mine reminded me that judgment is a form of violence. The kinda crunchy new-age hippie in me (or, as a con law professor called me "a tree-hugging granola bleeding-heart liberal") agrees. Therefore, though my first instinct was to not tell anyone other than my closest friends, I soon decided to out myself. I wanted to own it---not be ashamed of the fact that I DID NOT PASS THE BAR EXAM (but I will in February).

I worried about telling my classmates, but then figured that if they judged me for failing, that was their problem, not mine. If they think I'm less intelligent, less hard-working, less successful, then so be it. But, ultimately, I knew that my classmates and colleagues are a wonderful bunch of people and I gave them the benefit of the doubt that they would not judge me. I'm glad I did. I have received so many thoughtful emails and messages from friends and classmates. Yes, I was in tears most of the time when I read those words, but those words helped me confirm what I know is true: I am not stupid, I am not a failure, I will pass.

To think I would have deprived myself of that support for fear of being judged.....